The healing
by the guest
Summary: Sometimes in order to heal, you have to help someone else heal....
1. Chapter 1

"Crack!" I heard the gun shot and took off like someone lit a fire under me. It was the first track meet of the season, and I had trained hard for this moment. Right now, I was glad to be me. I was just Ponyboy Curtis running in the first track meet of the season.

My thoughts drifted, as they often do while I'm running. It had been almost a year. Almost a year since Johnny and Dally had died, and I nearly got taken away from Darry and Soda. Boy, howdy, how things had changed. Yet, somehow, things were the same, too. I had practically quit smoking. After I fully recovered from my concussion, weed just lost its flavor. Then when the coach told me I was getting slow, I just quit. Now I only smoked to look tuff. Cigarettes don't calm my nerves anymore.

Me and Darry get along real well now. Even though I was beginning to grow into a man, I was still his baby. I liked it that way. Sodapop and I still got along just like we used to.

Only, we stopped sleeping in the same bed. Soda said I kicked too much, and I didn't have enough room anymore. We were still in the same room, though, so every now and then I would crawl next to him. Soda will always look out for me.

Two bit and Steve were still around. Two bit finally made it to his senior year. He actually was working hard, hoping to finish high school. Steve was a Senior that year, too. He hadn't changed much, except that he stopped treating me so much like a kid. Sure, I was still Soda's kid brother to him, but I was also a tough little sucker who was beginning to pack a good punch.

I made it around the first lap, and that brought me back to reality. There were four runners in front of me, but I knew I could pass them easily. I had another whole lap to do it in, too.

The concrete was firm, and my feet bounced off it easily. I had spent a week during the summer helping my English teacher clean out his basement to earn new shoes. Right now, they sure were worth all the dust in the basement. I increased my pace slightly. I was gaining on the guy in fourth. When I passed him, I noticed he was already panting for breath. _"Poor guy," _ I thought, _"He's already tired." _ I started feeling confident when I passed the next guy. It sure felt good to run. I had done a lot of running after Johnny and Dally were gone. It helped me to calm down and think more rationally. At that moment, I wasn't even breathing hard. When there was half the track to go, I began sprinting. I could feel the rhythm of my feet hitting the pavement. Only two more people to pass. When the guy in second was behind me, I pushed even harder. Fifty feet to go, and maybe only five feet between me and first place. The distance decreased with every step. Right as I approached the finish line, I was sure I had him.

If the finish line had been a foot further, I would have won. I was happy with second place, though. As the other runners finished, I stood there and caught my breath, which I had lost as soon as I stopped running. Funny how I could have gone on forever, and only when I stopped did I realize my lungs were screaming for a breath. Soda and Darry were cheering wildly from the stands. I had to grin. Those guys were crazy.

When I got up to the bleachers after a pat on the back from my coach, Soda greeted me by thumping my shoulder. "Boy howdy," he said, "I'd say we've got ourselves a champion runner here, don't you think Darry?" Soda was grinning and his eyes were dancing. "I think you sure are right little buddy." Darry said, "Good job, Pony. I'm awful proud of you."

I just stood there and stared at my brothers for a second. Darry had taken off work to see my first meet. He said we was proud of me. I still didn't hear that enough.

"Thanks you guys," I said, wrapping my arms around Darry's waist. "Hey!" Sodapop exclaimed, "What's with this? Superman gets a hug, and I get left out?" "Oh, wait your turn," Darry said, smiling. "Here you go, Mr. Impatient," I tackled Soda to the ground. We wrestled for a bit, until I realized we were about to run into a girl. I said uncle and we went back up to sit with Darry.

"Welp, I guess running doesn't take a bit of energy out of this kid," Soda piped. "Guess so," I said, taking a swig of water. We sat and watched a few races before leaving. My team didn't do that badly. The new girl, Brie, took first place in her race. Brie was a Junior who has just moved to Tulsa. I didn't really talk to her, but she seemed nice. When she crossed the finish line, the girl Soda and I almost rolled into cheered. I assumed she knew Brie or something. I wasn't sure if I had seen her before.

For a second, I studied her. Her dark brown hair was pulled back into a pony tail that swished when she cheered. I noticed that there were tiny braids on either side of her head. That girl's hair was pretty long, too. I tried not to look lower, but caught myself noticing how curvy and skinny she was. Yet, she didn't look frail. I could tell by just looking at her that she was a tough little chick. She wore blue jeans and a loose t-shirt that seemed to fit everything about her perfectly.

Soda caught me looking at her and smirked. I punched him in the shoulder to keep his mouth shut. Girls still made me uncomfortable, but in a different way than before. If I ever told Soda, though, I'd never hear the end of it. So what if I realized that girls weren't all that gross? And what does it matter that now I actually think they might be worth hanging around? I guess Cherry Valance helped out with that. She seemed to avoid me now, but I was sure that there was still a part of her that dug sunsets. I wondered if that girl dug sunsets too...

I felt sort of quiet the rest of the day. Maybe it was because I was tired. Maybe the thoughts of Dally and Johnny triggered painful memories. Whatever it was, it made me want to sit out on the back step and think. So I did.

Johnny was my best friend. Why did he have to die? He had so much left to do. He didn't want to die. And why did Dally have to break at Johnny's death? He was so tough. He had seen lots of death before, too, right? It didn't add up. Why did he love Johnny? Dally didn't love anyone or anything except Johnny. I though long and hard, and forgot the rest of the world. That is, until I heard the back door open, then slam shut. That door always slammed, no matter how soft you tried to shut it.

I only half noticed it, though. Then Soda came and sat down beside me. The sun was setting, and I remembered how Johnny told me that the way I dug sunsets was gold. Was I staying gold like he said to?

"Whatchya doing?" Soda burst my bubble of thought. "Huh?" I said, startled. I had already forgotten he was there. "You've been out here all by your lonesome for hours. What gives?" Soda knew me too well. I hadn't just sat doing nothing for a while. "I'm just thinking," I stated, hoping that would satisfy him. It didn't. "What about?" he asked intently. "Why do you want to know so bad?" I snapped. Thinking about Dally and Johnny always made me snappy. I wanted to run and never stop just then. I sat tight, though, because I couldn't do that to Sodapop. "Hey, kid, listen. You're worrying me. You were doing real good for a while. I don't like seeing you so lonely...." Soda trailed off. I didn't want to say anything, because I knew I would start bawling, and I don't bawl anymore.

After a few minutes of silence, Soda spoke again. "Well, it's time for dinner anyway. That's why I came out here in the first place." I looked at him indignantly. "I'm not hungry," I stated with finality. "I don't care," he retorted, "You're going to eat, and you're going to like it too. No brother of mine is going to be a skinny shrimp just 'cause he didn't eat when I said to." I could tell Soda was messing with me, trying to get a smile, but it just wouldn't work. Especially because I refused to look at him, knowing that if I did, I wouldn't be able to keep a frown on my face.

Soda did make me eat. Even when I just sat there playing with my food, he was all over me. Darry left me alone, knowing Sodapop would get down to the root of the problem. Soda just sat right next to me and literally shoved the food down my throat. That kid can be really persistent when he wants to be, and I guess he wanted to be. I finally just ate it all so he would quit bugging me.

Later that night, the rest of the gang came over. They turned the radio up real loud, and turned the TV on, and played cards. I didn't get why they liked so much noise. Watching them play poker helped me forget about all the stuff that was bothering me for a while. I just can't help but grin when I can see that Two bit is totally bluffing, and Soda and Steve are buying it. I probably could have beat all of them if I played, but ever since Windrixville, I haven't played poker. I was glad when they finally settled down.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up almost screaming and in a cold sweat. It was still dark out, and I could hear Soda's light breathing across the room, telling me he was still sleeping. That had been about the worst nightmare I had had since Mom and Dad died. It was so awful, I was hoping that it would be one of the dreams that I couldn't remember, but hope wasn't on my side. I could remember it like it was still happening.

I was in the hospital room with Johnny and Dally. Johnny was dying, and Dally was still sweating and panting from our long run. I was in a daze. Johnny told me to stay gold,. Then, he didn't die. Instead, demonic looking creatures came up out of the floor. They looked indescribably evil. All of them started attacking Johnny. He screamed for me to help him. Gosh, he looked so desperate, but somehow I couldn't move to help him. He grabbed my arm, and I could finally move to help him, but I was too late. Johnny looked gray and dead, and his hand was cold. Then I looked at Dallas. The demonic creatures were attacking him. They slammed him into the wall. Then one came after me. That was when I woke up.

I was so spooked that I wanted to cry like a five year old, but I didn't. Instead, I crawled out of bed, went over to Soda, pulled back the covers, and climbed in next to him. He mumbled something in his sleep and shifted around. I was cold and scared, and I just wished Sodapop would wake up a little and throw his arm across me. I laid there shivering for what seems like hours.

I must have eventually fallen asleep, because the next morning I was woken up by a showered, lively Sodapop who was hunting for his clothes. He was whistling a tune from the radio that was blaring in the kitchen. I moaned and rolled over, wishing I could just sleep forever.

"Hey! Look who's up!" Soda was way too loud in my opinion. "Hmmm," I sleepily sat up, knowing that I wasn't going to get anymore sleep. "You sure slept late," Soda was in a towel fishing around in the closet for some clothes. There was something in his voice that said he was going to try to get something out of me. "What time is it?" I yawned. "Almost ten," came the reply from the closet. "Lordy!" I jumped out of bed and started to throw a T-shirt on, "I'm late for school! Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Soda took his head out of the closet. "Take a deep breath, will you kid?" I stopped and took a breath. Then I continued putting my shirt on. I didn't have time to take a breath. "Now, do you remember what day it is?" Soda's voice was calm and slow. I stopped my rushing around. "No." I was shaken too quickly from my sleepy state. "Pony, it's Sunday," Soda shook his head back and forth. "Oh," I sat back down on the bed.

Soda found his clothes and started putting them on. I considered laying back down for a little. I knew I'd never fall back to sleep, though, so I forced myself up off the bed and went into the kitchen to hunt for some breakfast. Soda was still whistling that blasted tune, and I considered turning the radio off. I wasn't awake enough to hear whistling.

I found some chocolate cake in the ice box-as always- , so I got a slice and poured myself some chocolate milk. I will always be crazy about chocolate stuff, no matter what people said it would do to me. It did me good, in my mind. I could smell the coffee on the stove from when Darry at breakfast. He was already at work, since he had taken yesterday off.

Soda opened the ice box and got himself some cake. "Want to come with me to work today?" Soda was still worried about me being alone. I thought about it. Sunday's weren't that busy, so I wouldn't have to worry about watching girls flirt with Soda. Maybe he and Steve would even let me work on some cars. "Sure, just let me clean up a little, okay?" I still had to put grease in my hair. It had finally grown back after that bum haircut Johnnycake made me get, and I was proud of it. "Hurry," Soda said between mouthfuls of chocolate cake.

I pushed myself up from the table and plodded to the bathroom. I was still hoping I'd wake up one morning and find a hint of a beard. No such luck today. A shower would have been nice, but Sodapop had said to hurry, and I didn't want to make him late. My shirt was kind of dirty, but it would work for today. Maybe after Soda and I got home from work we could play football. I wanted to do anything to get my mind off that awful dream.

The ride to DX was pretty quiet. For once, Soda didn't feel like blaring the radio. I just stared out the window and tried not to think about the dream. I would have tried not to think at all, but that's nearly impossible for me. The day was bright and sunny, which always puts me in a better mood. The feel of the wind in my hair and on my face took me out of the reality and into the country. I missed the country, and still wished I could live there. I would read under a tree all day. The dreamer in me was still going strong.

The jolt of the Ford brought me back to reality. DX was fairly empty. Steve was already in the shop working on a Chevy Silverado. Man, that was a nice truck. It must have been a real beauty when it was new. Soda punched his time card and went to see what needed done. Having nothing else to do with myself, I followed him. He ended up working on a busted up Escort. It looked like it had been in a rumble or something. Sodapop sure had his work cut out for him.

"Hey, Pony, hand me a ¾ wrench, will ya?" Soda stuck his hand out from under the car. "Here," I handed him the wrench. "Anything I can do to help?" I didn't want to just sit around and watch Soda work. I'm funny like that. Watching people work makes me feel guilty that I'm not helping. "Sure, why don't you take off the right front tire and patch it? That thing is as flat as a frog that got run over by a semi." I had to laugh. Soda could come up with the funniest analogies when he wanted to. I was glad he was cracking jokes. A good laugh was just what I could use on a day like this. Steve heard him and laughed too.

The rest of the morning went really fast. I laughed a lot, and me and Soda almost had that old Escort running. Around one o clock, Soda, Steve, and I took a break for lunch. The first thing I did was have a Pepsi. I swear whoever created Pepsi was the tuffest guy ever. Steve lit up a cigarette, and Soda got a huge sandwich from the deli down the street. I was guessing he planned on sharing it with me, but you never know with Soda. He eats an awful lot.

A car pulled up to pump two just then. There was no one out there, so Soda started to get up, but I beat him to it. "I'll do it," I said as I jogged out the door. I wasn't sure why I wanted to fill someone's gas tank so bad. I mean, it's not all that fun, but I thought Soda should enjoy his lunch uninterrupted. Besides, Steve was starting to treat me like a tagalong and giving me those annoying glares, so I wanted out.

I walked over to the car. "Can I help you?" I asked, then I had to swallow my tongue to keep my mouth from hanging open. The person in the driver's seat was Brie from track, and right next to her, on the passenger side, was the girl Soda and I almost ran into at the meet! "Hey," Brie sounded like she recognized me. "You're Ponyboy Curtis from track, right?" I nodded, trying to act cool, though the sight of the girl made my knees weak. "Yeah, you're a good runner," I said. "Thanks, you're not too bad yourself." I was surprised she knew who I was. I still tend to be real quiet in school. Even if the socs aren't as rough as they used to be, I wouldn't want to get on one's bad side. "So, what do you need?" I walked over to the pump. "Ten dollars of regular."

I pumped the gas and thought. The girl must be Brie's sister, because they look awful similar. Brie _was_ nice, and I hoped her sister was just as nice. I finished pumping and go the money. "See you around," Brie said as she drove off. I stood there dazed for a minute. Why was a girl making me go weak at the knees? I never had felt this way before, and it scared me. It made me feel like I could do something real stupid if I didn't watch out. Nothing really made sense. All I knew was that I wanted to see that girl again.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry it took me a few days to update. A busy weekend plus getting ready for school equals writer's block. I hope to make it up in this chapter

Monday went by like a blur. I had settled into the normal school routine, and everything was smooth sailing. My grades were staying up, which made Darry happy. He was hard on me when it came to school work. I guess he's hoping I'll earn a scholarship to college and become someone important. I still had three years of school to worry about that, though. Senior year could take as long as it wanted to get here. College seemed foreign and a long way off. Besides, I didn't want to leave home.

Tuesday biology changed the whole week. It wasn't really out of the ordinary, but my whole week was different. My whole life was different. When I walked in, Mr. Fredricks, as always, was taking homework and writing today's lesson on the board. As usual, I was early for class, so I sat daydreaming until Mr. Fredricks started. (Usually by a shrill whistle) Tuesday, I was thinking about running to the park and back after school. That is, until someone walking into class broke my thoughts.

It was that girl again. She waltzed in like she was carrying the world – and liked it. Her dark brown hair was pulled all the way back into a bun. Some small hairs had escaped from the majority, and were framing her face. She brushed them away sub-consciously while handing the teacher a note. He read it, frowned, and then scratched his head.

The next thing he did sent chills up my spine. He looked at me and actually acknowledged I was there. "Okay," Mr. Fredricks sighed, "Welcome to class, Sarah. Ponyboy Curtis," he turned to me and I swallowed. "This is your new lab partner." I didn't have a lab partner yet, because the class was uneven. I normally just did what I could by myself, then joined another group when I had to. I kind of had liked it that way. "Okay, Mr. Fredricks," I looked him straight in the eye. Through his eyes, I saw a dedicated, worn out high school teacher filled with frustration. There was more to it than receiving a new student mid-semester. I couldn't quite place what it was.

The girl walked over and self-consciously sat down next to me. This close, I could see that the confidence she had walked in with was a mask. "I'm Sarah," she said meekly, seeming almost afraid to look me in the eye. "The name's Ponyboy. Good to meet you." I swallowed the lump in my throat, thankful that my voice didn't squeak. I looked her directly in the eyes. She had deep brown eyes, like Soda's, only hers were lighter. There was a spark in her eye, and it gave her a mysterious look that was somehow soft. I could tell that she was nervous.

Mr. Fredricks whistled just then, and everyone took their seats. Class was normal Tuesday bio. We studied from textbooks, mostly. Plants were the topic, so Mr. Fredricks had us observing some grass in little paper cups. It was weird finally having a partner. I hadn't realized all the work I did by myself. Doing it myself was natural. I actually had to stop myself a few times and let Sarah do it with me. Not that she was just sitting there. She was into all of it, planning it out and working hard. She had a lot to catch up on, but she caught on quick.

Right before the bell rang, Mr. Fredricks told us our homework. "You are to make some sort of diorama with your partners, displaying plant growth, nutrition, and reproduction. It's due next Tuesday. You will be graded on how much you contribute." Everyone in the class groaned, except Sarah. I was surprised. I wouldn't have liked it if my first day in a new class I got a time-consuming project. "Brrriiiinngg!" All the students immediately started grabbing their stuff and hurrying into the hall. Mr. Fredricks gave one last attempt at sounding authoritative. "Remember, dioramas due by Tuesday!" No one really listened. I felt bad for him. It wasn't his fault most of the kids thought they knew everything. Some of them would forget, as always.

I hurried out the door, trying to catch up with Sarah. She was already halfway down the hall. Good thing I ran track. "Sarah," I had caught up pretty quickly, "Uh, listen, when do you want to get started on the biology project?" My knees were shaking again. Glory, what was wrong with me? I really needed to talk to Soda, and take whatever ridicule I got. "Before it's due would be my preference," She smiled, and I saw her eyes sparkle. They were dancing with pleasure at her own joke. I couldn't help but grin. "Sorry about that," she put a more mature air on, "Um, how is tomorrow after school?" I thought a minute. As long as I ran it by Darry first, it worked. "That's fine. I just have to run it by my brother. What time and where?" She looked puzzled when I said that I had to ask my brother. I had forgotten that she probably had parents. Something sank in my gut, reminding me that I was different than most kids.

For the sake of acting cool, I pretended that I wasn't hurting inside. "It doesn't matter. Do you want to do it at my house?" she asked. "As long as that's ok." I didn't want to impose or anything. "It's fine as long as a little noise doesn't bother you." Ha! I bet she had no idea was noise really was. "Nah," I tried to look cool, "Noise doesn't bug me." She caught on to the fake cockiness right away. I saw her eyes dance with amusement. "Okay, my address is 217 Mill road. Do you know around where that is?" She was middle class, then. Man, was she ever lucky. "Uh, yeah, sure. Is four okay? I should probably drop all the rest of my stuff at home first." I quit trying to act cool. It wasn't working, anyway. "Sure, see you then," and she walked off down the hall.

I stood there for a minute in dull shock. That girl was beautiful, and her confidence made her easy to talk to. As I watched her walk away, I noticed every curve. When I caught myself, I could have slammed my head against the wall. Lucky for me, Steve and Two-bit did the honors. "Hey Pony!" Two-bit was ultra loud. "Whatcha doing?" He thumped me on the shoulder. A bit too hard, too. Wham! So much for slamming my head into the wall by myself. Good ol' Two-bit. "Ouch! That hurt, greaser!" I was just messing with him, but it really had hurt. I could feel a bad headache coming on, and a bump was definitely growing. He grinned, and was about to thump me again, but I stepped out of the way. "What do y'all want?" I was a little annoyed, now. "Lunch" Two-bit swung his car keys. I had forgotten what time it was. My stomach growled.

At home later that night, I resigned to asking Soda about girls. I wanted to avoid it, because my head was still pounding from before, but necessity comes before desire. I waited until he was hopping into bed to ask him. As he crawled under the covers, I walked over and sat on his bed. "Hey, what do you need, kid?" Soda pop always could tell when I needed to talk. He sat up and I lay across his bed with my feet on the floor. "Soda..." I almost couldn't bring myself to asking him. "Yeah?" he looked intently at me, concern hidden in his face. "What's wrong? You ain't sick or something, are you?" "No. Soda, I need help...." I trailed off, then forced myself to continue, "...with girls." Soda automatically smiled. But it wasn't a teasing smile. It was one of those, 'my kid brother is growing up' smiles. That began the longest talk of my life.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning with my head pounding so loud in my ears that I wanted to tell it to shut up and let me sleep. My throat hurt, too, which was odd. I remembered that I had track before school. I sat up, and instantly regretted it. The result of sitting up was all the blood rushing to my head, making me super dizzy. _This can't be happening,_ I thought as I clung to the bed so I wouldn't fall off. I couldn't be sick, I had to run, and then go to school. _Oh no!_ I groaned as I remembered that I was supposed to work on the biology project with Sarah today, too. This was going to be a long day.

I tried to say as little as possible to Soda and Darry. My stomach felt funny, so I decided against eating breakfast. Track wasn't going to be fun that morning. Luckily, Darry didn't sense anything, and Soda was too busy shaving when I left. Darry would have made me stay home.

That was the longest school day I can remember. The coach ran us extra hard in practice, and by that time my head hurt so badly I wanted to scream. At lunch, I could only handle a bottle of Pepsi. I saw Sarah in the afternoon after 7th period. We only said hi and confirmed plans for later. That was stupid of me. I should have asked her for another time.

When I got home, I only had time to throw my books on the bed, grab an apple, and leave. I was feeling a little better, which was a relief. Hopefully the apple would sit okay. I didn't want to be totally out of it when I was working on the project. The walk there was only three miles, but that day one mile seemed like ten. I was regretting walking by the time I got to her Sarah's doorstep.

"Hey, Ponyboy," she opened the door, "Come on in. My science book is in the living room." I silently walked in and started to take my shoes off. I had one off when the dog got to me, with a little boy about six or seven chasing it. Before I knew it, the dog was right in my face. "Rusty!" Sarah yelled, "Go!" she pointed her finger towards what I assumed was the kitchen. "I'm sorry about that," she sounded annoyed. "It's alright, I like dogs." I had finished taking my shoes off and was following Sarah into the other room.

"That was my brother, Stephen," she explained as we sat down. "Oh, how many brothers and sisters do you have?" The amount of shoes I noticed at the door made it seem like a lot of people were here. "Two sisters, two brothers, and...." she couldn't finish her sentence, because a tall guy, maybe 18 or 19, walked in with the scariest look on his face. It looked like a mixture of pleasure and malice. The way I was feeling didn't help. "Hi, I'm Justin," he said. "I'll be right over there," he pointed to the front step, "Just so you know." The look he gave me was one of a threat. "Oh, leave him alone, Jus. We're doing a science project." Sarah gave him a glare that only she could give, and he walked out with a book in one hand. "Don't mind him, he's" "You're brother?" I finished, questioningly. "Actually, no, he's my neighbor. But he acts like my big brother." she rolled her eyes and grinned.

"So, let's get to work," I opened my science book. "Sure."

Over the next hour, we discussed ideas, made a rough layout, and then started building what our plans were. She had some really good ideas. Justin walked through the room a few times, and I wondered why their neighbor hung around their house, but not that much. The boys did that all the time at my house.

Sarah's mom came into the living room around 5:15and introduced herself. "Hi, I'm Mrs. Piatt," she had an apron on, "would you like to stay for dinner?" I looked at the clock. "No, thanks, I should probably get going." I stood up to leave, and realized my head had begun to pound again, this time harder than before. "Okay, it was nice meeting you," Mrs. Piatt smiled, and it reminded me of my own mother's smile. "Sarah, can you play with Olivia while I finish dinner?" Sarah stood, and turned to me, "Want to meet my baby sister before you leave?" "Sure," what did I have to lose, besides a few minutes of walking?

I followed her into a room right off of the kitchen. There were machines that looked like they belonged in a hospital. Everything was really organized. In the middle of the room was a blanket, which a baby girl was on. She looked like she couldn't have been more than one. She was very still, unlike most little kids. Sarah got down on her knees and looked in the little girl's face. "Olivia, this is Ponyboy," she motioned for me to come over and sit down. I felt very awkward. Olivia smiled as big as she could when I walked over. I caught on then that she was handicapped. I managed a weak, "Hey," trying not to be rude.

"It's ok, relax," Sarah seemed totally at ease. When I didn't say anything, she continued. "Olivia was diagnosed with spinal bifida before she was born. Her mom didn't want a handicapped child, but wasn't thrilled about abortion. Instead, we adopted her. It was by God's grace that we found out about her, because we had been looking for a special needs child. Olivia was premature, and that cause a little bit of late development, which is why she's not talking yet. She will, though." She was so calm about it, but I couldn't see why. Then Olivia smiled at me, and I understood.

"I should be getting home," I stood up, "Darry will be making supper, and he doesn't like it when I'm late." Sarah had what looked like disappointment on her face. "Thank you for letting me come over, and good job with the project. Your idea was great." I was starting to feel really sick again, so I headed for the door. But not before giving Olivia one last smile. "Bye!" the door shut and I began the long walk home.

My head thumped and my throat was burning. I was so tired that I didn't want to take another step, but I knew I had to get home. About halfway there, I started feeling dizzy. A blast from a car horn made me jump about a foot in the air. "Get in," it was Steve. There was no other day that I can remember being this glad to see Steve Randel.

We didn't talk the whole way home. The radio was turned up loud, which didn't help my head at all. When we pulled up, I went straight into the house, took my shoes off, and flopped onto the couch. I fell asleep right away.

Someone nudged me, and I groaned. Everything ached, and my eyes felt like they were burning in their sockets. Two strong arms lifted me up and carried me to bed. I was only half with it, but I opened my eyes. Darry was pulling the covers over me, and Soda was sitting on the edge of my bed looking worn out. "I didn't mean to wake you up," Darry whispered in his husky voice, "Go back to sleep, kiddo." My mouth was really dry. I tried to say something, but couldn't. I just closed my eyes. Being sick felt awful.

Soda slept next to me that night. I couldn't get comfortable. It was hard to tell if I was freezing cold or burning hot. Soda finally got me some water and an aspirin to see if it would help. I looked at the aspirin and groaned. I had a feeling it wouldn't stay down if I tried to take it. "No," I said hoarsely, shaking my head. "Come on, Pony, at least drink some water." He handed the glass to me. I took small sips and let the coolness flow over my raw throat. Then I set it down and fell back to sleep.

I missed school the next day. My fever was almost gone, but I was just so whipped that I didn't want to move. Soda was going to stay home with me, but he couldn't miss work. Darry couldn't either, so I was home alone. It didn't bug me that much. I just slept, mostly.

When Soda got home, he made me eat something. I really didn't want to, but my stomach was growling, so I agreed. He made some chicken soup and gave me crackers with it. I had to sit up, so I scooted over and let Soda pop sit down, too. He looked at his bare toes. "Someone at the gas station asked for you today," Soda kept examining his feet. "Oh, really?" I could feel my ears getting red. I sipped my soup casually. "Yeah, a girl with brown hair." I almost choked on a cracker. "You okay?" Soda jumped up, his face lined with worry. "I'm fine, I'm fine," I sputtered. "What did she want?" I was curious now. "Well, she asked if you were there, and I said no. But I told her that I was your brother, so she could send you a message or something. She wanted to know why you weren't at school." Soda stopped and took a breath. "And?" I had set my soup down and was listening intently. "I told her you were sick, and she looked kind of sad. She said to tell you to get better, and that she had been working on your project. I said I would tell you. She was a cute little thing."

_Oh, man,_ I thought,_ I hope I didn't spread anything to her yesterday._ "Pony?" Soda's voice sounded concerned. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" I guess when I didn't answer he thought something was wrong. "What? Oh, no, I'm ok. Just still tired." I didn't want to eat anymore. "Ok," he said easily, "You need anything, holler." I nodded, laying back down.

Darry walking in later woke me up. I guess Soda had covered me up, because there was a blanket over top of me. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "Hey," Darry walked over and felt my forehead, "How ya feeling?" "I'm okay," I cleared my throat. Darry sighed with relief. "Man, kid, you had me scared. You haven't been this sick since..." he stopped. I knew what he was going to say. I hadn't been this sick since Johnny and Dally died. "Well," Darry tried to put his tough look on, "You're still a little warm, but a lot cooler than last night." I yawned, "Yeah, last night just wasn't tuff."

Soda came running in just then, and tried to tackle Darry. Of course, Soda couldn't get Darry down if his life depended on it. "Hey little buddy," Darry chuckled as he held Soda off. I just shook my head. I didn't even have enough energy to think about wrestling around. Soda gave up and sat down. "What's for dinner?" Darry asked him. "I figured Pony wouldn't want to eat, so I just made tuna sandwiches." Soda shrugged. Darry nodded and walked out of the room, probably to go change. I put my head on the armrest of the couch and sighed. I still felt kind of lousy, and wished Soda pop and Darry would sit in the living room while they ate.

They didn't, so I was kind of lonely. I considered walking into the kitchen, but I thought better of it. There was no way I wanted to get up off the couch. Besides, the thought of food right then made my stomach do flip flops.

Later on we had some visitors – namely, Steve and Two-bit. I was glad to see some people. That day had been kind of lonely. They kept the radio down and talked for a bit. Steve had learned some new card game during lunch, Mao, or something. He was teaching Two-bit and Soda. They begged me to play, but I said no. I just didn't have enough in me to learn. It sure was fun to watch, though. Two-bit was hilarious, because he didn't get it. Soda was trying to hide a card under the couch cushions, but Steve caught him and made him take an extra card. All the excitement made me want to lie back down.

I was dozing when the phone rang. I ignored it, thinking it was for Darry or something. "Ponyboy," Darry said in a husky voice. "The phone's for you." Who could possibly be calling me? I forced myself up and groaned. Soda, Steve, and Two-bit all gave me funny looks. Getting to the phone took every ounce of strength I had. "Hello?" I sounded weak and hoarse. "Hi, this is Coach Rick from track." Oh man! I had missed a practice. "Hey, Coach," I tried to sound casual and keep my voice from breaking. "You missed practice this morning, son," he sounded disappointed. "I know, sir." Talking was wearing me out.

"Well, where were you?" He was getting impatient. "I was sick, sir. Still am." There was silence on the other end for a second. "Oh, I'm sorry. Listen, son, take it easy, and if you can, come to practice tomorrow." Yeah, running, huh. I could barely talk, let alone run. "Sure thing, Coach," my voice cracked. If I had any energy, I would have cussed my voice for breaking. When would this guy leave me alone and let me sleep? "Well, goodnight Ponyboy." "Bye." Finally, I could get off the blasted phone.

I hung up and sat down on the arm of Darry's chair, which was closer than the couch. "You alright?" he looked worried. "Yeah, I think so." I felt really out of it. I tried to stand up and walk to bed, but my legs were too wobbly. Darry noticed. He had learned to pick up on those things. Finally, he just picked me up and carried me. I heard him say something about a doctor, but I didn't really pay attention. There was laughter from the card players. Then, I heard Darry say something to Soda about aspirin and a doctor. "Oh, I tried to get him to take an aspirin last night," I heard Soda pop say. "He just said no, and I didn't want to force him. The poor kid looked like he wouldn't have been able to keep anything besides water down." I was going to say something, but instead just yawned and moaned. I felt really lousy. Darry put me in bed and pulled my shirt off. I just let him. There was no energy left to insist that I could put myself to bed. Sleep overcame me.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning I woke up feeling a lot better. Soda was still sleeping, and I could hear Darry in the kitchen. The bed creaked as I slowly got up. I figured that I really needed to take a shower. I stumbled into the kitchen first, and said hi to Darry. I was greeted with a "Good morning" and a hand on my forehead.

"How do you feel?" Darry asked, satisfied with how cool I was.

"Fine," I yawned and sat down. "Can I go to school today?" Darry put his coffee down and looked at me skeptically.

He sighed. "I don't know." I got a little annoyed. I was fine now.

"Come on, Darry, please? I feel fine, really."

He looked at me with his ice cold eyes, and they seemed to melt.

"I just don't want you to wear yourself out." Darry said.

"I won't," I promised, "Seriously. I'll be fine." Darry looked like he was going to say no, but he gave in.

I showered, and then got ready. Track was this morning, and if I wasn't there I didn't go to the meet on Saturday. I knew it wasn't very smart to try to run, but I didn't care. Soda came into the bedroom while I was packing my books.

"Hey, Pony, how ya feeling?" Soda was showered and had his DX shirt half buttoned.

"I'm fine." I kept packing my books.

"You going to school?" he sounded puzzled.

"Yeah." I didn't look at him. I sensed him shrug, give me a funny look, and then continue buttoning his shirt.

"Did you eat anything?" Gr. I could have gotten away without eating if he hadn't asked. I stayed silent, hoping he would forget he asked. No such luck. Soda came behind me and grabbed my shoulder to turn me around. I shrugged it off.

"Pony... Pony, come on," Soda pleaded. I shook my head. He just didn't understand that I had to go to school.

"Hey," he said softly, laying on my bed and looking at me. I turned away, refusing to look at him. "Pony, all I was is to know you're okay." Soda followed me out of the bedroom.

What he did next still shocks me. He grabbed me around the waist and dragged me, struggling, on to the couch. There he cornered me.

"Neither one of us is leaving until you talk to me." He sounded angry, which was unlike Soda. Then, I saw a tear form in his eye and make a trail down his cheek.

"Soda? Soda, what's the matter?" I was alarmed. He hadn't cried in a long time. He wiped his eyes.

"I'm just worried... about you. When you wouldn't take that aspirin, it reminded me of last year when you were in the hospital. And, Pony, gosh, you were so sick," He almost started bawling again. "When I can't get you to eat anything, I'm afraid you'll end up in the hospital again. I wouldn't be able to take that."

I was so stunned I couldn't speak. I hadn't realized how much Soda worried about me. The clock said it was 6:30, which meant I had a half hour until practice started. On an impulse, I grabbed him around the waist and hugged him.

"Please don't worry, Soda. I'm really okay, just not hungry."

He hugged me back tightly. "Do you think you can eat a little, just for me?" I really didn't want to, but for Soda's sake I had a piece of toast.

Soda pop drove me to school that morning. I bounded out the car as soon as we pulled up. Track started in five minutes.

It felt great to be running again. That is, the first mile did. I guess I was still a little weak, because after mile one, I was out of breath. Not like that stopped me, though. I kept running until my chest was so tight I could barely take any air in. The coach noticed and immediately made me stop. It was just in time. I stood on the side of the track panting, and regretting the toast Soda made me eat. Coach wouldn't let me run anymore, so I went into the school and got changed.

The rest of the day I felt sluggish. I tried to just ignore it and do everything that I normally did. That wasn't the smartest on my part. The only time I gave myself a break was in the library during lunch with Sarah. We were supposed to work on our project. When I walked in, she was sitting in a big chair reading 'Great Expectations'.

"Hey," I walked over to her and sat down. "That was a pretty good book. I had to read it last year." She folded the corner of the page she was on down and set the book on her bag.

"It's not that good, yet. Mr. Cline is making it boring."

"You have Mr. Cline for Literature?"

"Yeah."

I was puzzled. "I thought you were a sophomore."

She grinned, "Nope, I'm a freshman."

"Then how are you in sophomore biology?" She grinned, bigger than before, and her eyes danced.

"The other teacher and I had dome differences. I have my beliefs, and she has hers. I attempted to be polite, but the textbook was scientifically erred, and she ignored it. That kind of got me ticked." There was that grin again. "The principal looked at my grades and just let me move up a class." I grinned, too. This girl had a lot of spunk.

We finished the project in no time flat. It actually turned out better than I could have done myself. An A was expected. Since it was done before lunch ended, we walked over to the cafeteria. I bought a Pepsi, and she took an apple out of her bag. She made a face at my Pepsi.

"What?" I asked, taking a swig.

She just shook her head. _Okay, _I thought, _she doesn't like Pepsi. Poor girl._ We talked for the rest of lunch. She was a very good listener, and the way she talked made it interesting to listen to while we exchanged the story of our lives, siblings, and interests.

I learned a lot about her in the few minutes we had to talk. She had moved to Tulsa in the middle of the summer from Northern Ohio. They used to live on a farm, and even had some horses! Boy, Soda would have liked to hear about those. She had raised sheep and would show them at the county fair. It sounded like she really loved them. I could imagine her, dirty jeans and a grin, out in a green field on a sunny day with some black-faced sheep, their white wool gleaming in the sunshine. It was a cute image. Mrs. Piatt used to do some sort of therapy for kids on the horses. The reason they moved was because her dad got transferred. I thought it was kind of sad that she had to go from the country to this, but I was glad that she moved here and I met her.

I didn't really talk very much. I mentioned a few things, like my brothers, and my parent's death. The bell rang all too soon. I could have talked to her all day. When she mentioned horses, I thought of Soda's horse, Mickey Mouse. I almost told her about him, but the bell interrupted me. Saying goodbye was harder than I expected, which reminded me of some things Soda had said about girls.

When I got home, my stomach was growling, and I was beat. I sprawled out on the couch for a nap before dinner. I dreamed about Sarah. She and I were in the country riding horses through the woods. It was awesome.

Soda woke me up when he got home.

"Pony," he shook me a little, "Pony, wake up."

I yawned and sat up. "Hmmm, hey Soda."

I looked at my older brother. He was covered with dirt and grease from working on cars all day, and his face was creased with worry. It relaxed when I spoke, though.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he kicked off his shoes.

"I'm fine, just taking a nap. When's dinner?" Soda smiled when I asked about dinner.

"When Darry gets home. You want something now?"

"Nah, I'll wait." I followed Soda into the bedroom while he changed.

"How was work?" I sat on my unmade bed.

"Oh, it was okay. Kind of slow today." Soda's normal happy-go-lucky attitude didn't seem present.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

He stared at the wall, then shook his head as he pulled a clean t-shirt on. "No, not really. I was just thinking about you and worrying all day. Then when I saw you asleep, I was afraid you were feeling lousy again." He shrugged, trying to look relaxed.

"Well, stop worrying. I'm not feeling lousy." I grinned and chucked my pillow at Soda. It hit him, and he grinned crazily.

When Darry came in later, me and Soda were having a major pillow fight. He stuck his head in the room.

"Well, looks like y'all are feeling nice and chipper. Who's up for noodle casserole?"

We stopped long enough to tell Darry that noodle casserole was great. It felt good to finally be hungry. Then Soda came on extra hard, and all I could do was block.

"Holler Uncle?" Soda asked. I didn't want to, but my strength was draining.

"Uncle!" I put the pillow down and sat on my bed, panting. Soda was out of breath, too. We grinned at each other, knowing there were more pillow fights to come.

Casserole never tasted as good as it did that night. I didn't eat very much, but what I had was great. Darry and Soda were so glad I was eating that they didn't mind when I only ate half of what I normally did. I just enjoyed sitting at the table, eating with my two big brothers.

--Sorry if the last two chapters seemed slow. I was reading over them last night, and thought, 'Man, this is getting kind of boring'. Never fear, they did have a purpose in the all over plot. Anyhow, my apologies if this incited boredom. The next will be much better.--


	6. Chapter 6

The next few weeks were filled with track, school, the gang, and hanging out with Sarah. Gosh, but that girl was funny. She was a dreamer, like me. When I tried to ask her if she dug sunsets, she thought I was kidding around. I finally got what I meant across after minutes of explaining. She just grinned. Of course she liked sunsets. I found myself happy-go-lucky around her. Soda noticed it too, which got me some teasing, but I didn't mind. I'd never dug a girl before, and if this is what it felt like, I could get used to it. Either get used to it, or never lose the thrill. And boy, howdy, was there a thrill.

We would do anything and everything after school and on the weekends. She didn't like the movies much, but we went to a few with her sister. She'd rather walk, or swing on the swings at the park. I thought it was pretty funny that she should be 14 and still enjoy swinging like a 7 year old. I didn't mind swinging much, though. Whenever we went to the park, I would remember that I was supposed to stay gold, and end up having a blast. Once, we even ended up having a mud fight. (Darry wasn't very happy when I got back from that escapade.)

The first time she met the boys was hilarious. Sarah felt really awkward, and it was written all over her face. Little did she know, her awkwardness was an invitation for teasing. We were at my house, talking and joking around. She was uncharacteristically quiet. Soda and Steve were playing Texas hold 'em, and the radio was turned up. Two-bit walked in that door, and when he saw Sarah, he flashed his trademark Will Rogers grin. I saw the sarcasm coming, and was about to stop him, but it was too late.

"Well, who have we got here? A damsel in distress? Got a shiny knight to rescue you, Ms. Damsel?" Two-bit smirked

"Two-bit," I drawled, giving him THE LOOK, which said, _cut it out, now._

He merely cocked an eyebrow coolly and sat down next to her. The poker players had heard the conversation and were cackling.

"Seeing as how bee-yoo-tee-ful you are, I'd guess you have lots of knights, huh?" he commented, putting his arm around her.

Then, true to her nature, she did something unexpected.

"That's enough!" She leaped off the couch; her face beat red, ready to attack anyone who so much as laid another hand on her. Of course, that got Soda, Steve, and Two-bit rolling on the floor laughing. If it had been anyone else, I would have joined in on the laughing. But, she was Sarah, and from what I knew of her, it took a lot to upset her. I saw her start to shake ever so slightly. She really was scared. She sat back down and didn't say another word.

Everything smoothed out a little as Two-bit joined the poker game and we watched. Those guys really were funny when they play poker. They were betting with bottle caps, because Steve had said he was saving for another car. It was all fairly normal, until Two-bit started to flip bottle caps at Sarah and me. I kept it going by shooting them right back. Sarah did too, for a while. She even let a few nervous laughs escape. Then Two-bit let a cuss word slip. We ignored it, used to hearing cussing everywhere, but Sarah's eyes got as big as saucers. After that, there was no more laughing or bottle cap flipping from her.

A funny thing turned the whole afternoon around. Soda pop suggested teaching us that weird game Steve had learned.

"What was the game called?" Sarah seemed like she had recognized it.

"Mao," Steve said, holding his head high and speaking with an important air.

Her face seemed to brighten. "I know that game." Her voice relaxed.

The rest of the afternoon flew by. I was horrible at the game, and ended up with half the deck. Sarah, on the other hand, had our jaws dropping at how extremely she played the game. We laughed a lot and talked a lot, and before we knew it, she had to go home for supper.

I walked her home, because everyone knows it's not real safe to walk alone. We talked a little about the gang and little random things. Mostly, thought, we left each other to their own thoughts. I couldn't help but think about Johnny and Dally. Johnny's scared black eyes and Dally's elf-like features kept coming to mind. Since track had started, I had been thinking less and less about them. That sort of scared me, like I was forgetting them or something. In my heart, though, I knew I could never forget. I'd spent enough time trying to forget to learn that I couldn't.

My thoughts cleared as we approached her house. I started wondering how safe it would be for me to walk home. Sometimes I forget to use my head. I'm getting better at it, but from time to time I slip and risk getting in some trouble.

"Hey, you want to come in and say hi to everyone real quick?" We had made it to the front step leading up to the house. I took a quick look at the slowly sinking sun.

"Sure," I said easily.

In trudged behind her into the house. Mrs. Piatt was cooking something in the kitchen that smelled really Italian. She peeked through the kitchen doorway and waved while on the phone. Brie and their neighbor, Justin, were sitting in the living room talking. He gave me one of his terrifying looks as I walked past. I shivered.

Olivia was in the kitchen sitting in a high chair. She immediately smiled when she saw me. I had been there a few times since that science project, so she was beginning to recognize me.

"Hey, kid," I said affectionately, waving to her.

"Hi, Liv, you wanna go play?" The little girl's eyes lit up when her sister spoke, like she knew what Sarah had said. She lifted her out of the high chair. Man, that kid was tiny for being one. We went into her little play room and sat on the floor.

"Watch," Sarah said excitedly. She sat Olivia on the floor in front of her and helped her get balanced. Then, she let go. "Look! She's sitting by herself!" she was bursting with pride. I had to grin. What seemed like something little to me was a big feat for that little girl.

"Wow, that's really tuff! Did you teach her that?" I asked.

She blushed. "Yeah, we've been working on it all week. What does tuff mean?"

"It's another word for cool," I stated non-chalantly.

"Oh"

Olivia started to slump over, so Sarah caught her and put her in her lap. She relaxed against her big sister, and I noticed, though they weren't biological sisters, they looked alike.

"Well," I started to get up, "I should go."

At the same time, Sarah started to say, "Do you want to hold her?"

"Nah, I couldn't." I felt nervous. I'd never really held a kid before, especially a tiny, frail one. What if I hurt her? I could never forgive myself.

"Come on, why not?"

"Uh," I tried to quickly think of an excuse, "Darry'll kill me if I don't hurt home."

"What are a few more minutes? Besides, Olivia likes you." With that, she just plopped her in my arms. My heart started racing as she stared up at me with chocolate brown eyes. I gently tried to position her so she was comfortable, but I was at a complete loss.

"Here, put you hand under her head like this." She showed me how to do it. I felt the tiny body relax in my arms. I relaxed a little, too. I was doing it! I was actually holding a kid, a weak and dependant one at that! I felt a rush like never before. There was a thrill to holding a kid, which took my by surprise. Gently, but firmly, I held her and stroked her soft, silky hair. My memory jogged, and I remembered a year ago, being sick and delirious. Soda stroked my head then, and took care of me. Maybe that's how I could be so gentle. I know how to because my brothers had been so gentle to me. The little girl slowly closed her eyes. I looked at Sarah, and when our eyes met, she smiled.

I gave the sleeping baby to Sarah and watched carefully as she laid her in the crib. I couldn't believe how careful and gentle she was. We walked to the door.

"Hey, what are you doing Sunday night?" I asked suddenly. "You and Brie could come over and play football or something."

She looked disappointed for a second, but then her face brightened.

"I have a better idea."


	7. Chapter 7

Hey, sorry this is so long in coming. I just started school up over the internet, and it's been a little tricky. I hope I can get the next few chapters in sooner that I have been.

I walked home slowly, silently, thinking as the sun set behind me. I knew I was late for supper, but I didn't care. There was too much on my mind.

Sarah had invited me to her church for a service, then youth group. That made me remember how Johnny and I used to go to church, before Two-bit, Soda, and Steve had caused that uproar. I had told her that I had to check with Darry, but it was probably okay. In truth, though, I hoped Darry said no. I hadn't been in a church since Johnny's funeral.

Of course, the church Sarah went to and the one Johnny and I had been in were totally different. I didn't quite understand what was so different about them, but Sarah had said her church was different when I asked if it was the one I had been in. I figured, they all teach out of the same Bible, so it can't be different. But, what did I know? Right then I resigned to just not understanding some things.

Thoughts of Johnny and Dally were still on my mind. I could remember everything about them. Their laughs, the way Johnny's big black eyes would get even bigger when he was scared. The way Dally's hair curled in the back and was always falling in his eyes. Every little detail seemed branded into my brain. Yet, somehow, it was like the brands were fading or something. Like the memories were losing their grip on me. That was terrifying as well as relieving. I had spent the first few months after their deaths trying to forget, but it didn't work. Now that I could forget, I didn't want to let go.

I plodded up to the corner of Picket and Main, and there made a decision. Instead of turning left on Main, which lead to an alley I could take to the lot, I turned right. With grim determination I trudged forward. The sun was just hitting the horizon, and the sky was a pinkish gold. "Stay gold," echoed in my ears with every step. I knew Darry would have a fit when I got home, but I didn't let that stop me. I had to see them.

The town graveyard was perched on the corner of Branch and Roy, out of the way of everything. It seemed like the town wanted to forget that it existed. I saw some goldenrod growing near the fence, and picked two stems. It wasn't much, but Johnny and Dally wouldn't care if I picked dandelions (which weren't so different from goldenrod, if you think about it).

Out in the far corner were two fresh-looking graves. (Well, as fresh as you could get in a place where decaying bodies were buried) One was a small headstone that simply read, "John Cade, March 13th, 1950 – October 17th, 1966". His parents had at least been decent enough to get a tombstone, but if it had been up to the gang, we would have put "Johnnycake" on it. Dally's grave was unmarked, except for a wooden slat that Darry had found and carved "Dallas Winston" on. The fuzz had taken Dally's body to Lord knows where, but we buried some of his clothes and mementos next to Johnny, knowing that's how they would have wanted it.

"Hey y'all" I said as I approached. "I brought you something to add a little color."

The flowers didn't do much, but I felt it was something.

"I know I ain't been here in a while, but track started up, and I guess I've had a lot to think about." I hung my head, feeling guilty about forgetting. "I've been staying as gold as I can, Johnnycake. I met a girl who's still gold. Boy howdy, you'd like her. She's a lucky one, in the middle class. I bet she could even get you to laugh.

"Dally..." I paused, not knowing what to say. "Two-bit swiped another switchblade the other day, but ended up getting caught because of some new-fangled alarm system. I don't think he cared much. You should have seen him when the fuzz took him down town. I saw him in the cop car on the way home from school that day. He was calmly sitting in the back seat, looking as tuff as all get out. You would have laughed.

"Me and Darry, we're okay now. Though, I'll probably catch it for being out past dark. I was walking that girl I mentioned earlier home. Man, Johnny, I think I really dig her. I wish I could see you, because I know you'd understand me without me having to talk. You see, I'm afraid of getting too close to her. What if I lost her too? I just couldn't take that."

I trailed off, the reality of what I had just said hitting hard. I was afraid to let someone else in. I had lost so many people I loved, that even if I allowed myself to care even a little more than I do for acquaintances, I would fear losing it.

Sitting on the ground, I thought for a while. I knew what Johnny would say. He's give me a half grin, and his eyes would understand. "Go for it, man," he's nudge my elbow and...

I stood up. He was right, even if he hadn't been there to say it. I needed to go out on a limb, take a chance, and give relationships a whirl. I was staying gold, but still changing and growing up. Then and there I knew what I was going to do.

When I walked in the front door, as expected, Darry let me have it. He didn't yell, but I could see the anger mixed with worry on his forehead.

"Weren't you thinking that maybe your brothers would want to know where you were?"

For once, I answered honestly and without defense.

"Yeah, I knew I was gonna catch it, but I had to see Johnny and Dal." I met Darry's eyes with a matter-of-fact expression. Darry's expression was one of a worn out older brother who was tired of playing the parent.

"You're grounded tomorrow. You go to school, come home, do homework, and make dinner. No leaving the house, and no hanging with friends. Is that understood?"

"Yeah.'

Darry rubbed his face, then, and walked off. I just took it with a grim determination to prove something. I wasn't sure what, but I had the feeling I had got it across. I didn't regret talking to the members of the gang we lost.

Soda was in the kitchen when I got home. When he heard me walk in, he heated up some dinner. I ate in silence as he sat across the table. I was ready for some more freedom, but obviously Darry and Soda pop weren't thrilled about that idea.

Sorry it was shorter than normal, the next one'll be longer, hopefully. And by the way, thanks for all the reviews. You all are too nice.


	8. Chapter 8

My next track meet was that Saturday. It turned out to be one of those bright fall days that you just love to be outside in, perfect for running. That week, we were facing Borrowick High School, the best in our league. I woke up feeling ready to face anything. Soda, on the other hand, felt like sleeping in. I had to roll him out of bed so I wouldn't be late. (Darry had left for work by that time)

I was really pumped by the time I got there. Soda had been drowsily trying to get me to calm down on the way there. I just turned the radio up loud so to wake him up. It worked.

By the time we got there, he was good old Soda, hyper and mischievous as ever. I was hoping he wouldn't do anything too crazy today.

As I began stretching, nervousness hit me. There were butterflies in my stomach, and it took every ounce of brain power I had to keep from thinking like I was going to lose. The guys on the other team seemed so confident that they would win. That boiled my blood, in a good way. Our team had only lost one meet that year, and I was going to make sure it stayed that way to the best of my ability. I'd even up the score with these guys. My ego was beginning to swell, so I had to bring it back to reality just a bit. But, only a bit.

I blanked the world out and began focusing my brain on one solitary thing: the finish line. I was getting there, and before everyone else if I could help it. The races had begun. Mine was the 10th race that day, so I had a good long while to think. I wouldn't let myself scan the crowd to see who was there. Normally I did, hoping to see a college scout or a good friend. Today, though I was still hoping for a scout and one particular friend, I knew there would be time later for that.

When that gun shot rang in my ears, I took off. Pacing myself was easy. I felt like the track was a part of me and getting from one part of myself to another was nothing. I heard nothing but the wind in my ears. I felt nothing but the warm sun on my back and the breeze blowing on my face. Nothing else existed but that race, and that time. No one except me. Somewhere during that different world, I got a sense that I should speed up. I could hardly tell I was running. It was all natural, normal. In a sudden burst of speed, a bright yellow line quickly came up to meet my steps.

Then, I heard the crowd, and the announcer. I saw all the runners behind me, quickly finishing also. Somehow, though, I didn't feel excited yet. That would come soon. Right then, I was taking in everything in the real word again, like it was the first time I saw it all. It was new and bright, but somehow, I missed the other world. The one where I was just an extension of the ever-mobile track, and that was all that was there.

Soda pop was shouting to me, and I broke out of my daze. The victory hit me just then, and I leaped into the air!

"Yeah! Soda, did you see me?!" I ran over to the stands, not winded at all. "I did it! I really did it! Glory, so this is what it feels like!"

Soda was looking at me with dancing eyes. "Yeah, I saw you kid."

He seemed awful calm for a moment that was so exciting to me.

"What's so different about this one, Pony? You must have won at least half of your races this year."

What he said hit me, and I stopped for a second. He was right, I had won before. But I never had felt victory like this before. I wasn't sure what it was, but I liked it.

"I don't really know. This one just feels different, I guess."

Soda cocked an eyebrow and grinned. I had to grin back. We sat together in silence for a little. Me basking in my glory, he lost in his thoughts, or a race, or something. Then, a familiar flash of dark brown hair caught my eye at the fence. I casually walked over there.

"Hey," I said, putting my hands on her shoulders. Sarah jumped, then spun around to see who the voice belonged to.

"Pony, hey! Good job, I saw your race." Olivia was calmly resting on Sarah's hip, making gurgling noises.

"Hey, kid," I ruffled her hair, and she giggled.

Sarah turned back to the race, which I realized Brie was running in. She wasn't doing too bad, running in third place at that moment. Then, the girl in second seemed to lose her wind and slowed down a whole lot. Seeing her chance, Brie quickened her pace. I watched her take second by a hair. Another glory witnessed that day. I was sure there would be more, too.

"Hey, Ponyboy, have you thought any more about coming to church with me?" Sarah asked casually.

"What? Oh, yeah. I'll come, as long as I can get directions there, and know what time it ends. Darry gets kind of mad if I don't tell him where I'm going or when I'll be back."

"Oh, well, we can drive you, if you want. We pass right by your house. It will only be Brie and me, because the rest of the family goes to church earlier." She stopped to switch the baby to her other hip. "It lets out by 9:00, but sometimes I help clean up afterwards. We can have you home by ten or earlier." She seemed eager to have me come. I vaguely wondered how often she invited people to church.

The next day I was nervous and getting ready way before Sarah and Brie were going to pick me up. I guess the fact that it was a church is what made me nervous. That and it was with my peers. Peers. Oh, how I hated that word. It had some sort of evil feel to it. Not many people in school were that nice to me, with the exception of some people at track. Part of me figure that that was only because I had made it to 'A' squad my first year. I was a loner, that's all there was to it.

Soda noticed that I was sprucing up more than normal. I was in the bathroom trying to get my wet hair to stay down. (Sometimes it stuck up in odd places like it had a mind of its own) I rooted through the cupboard, searching for hair oil or grease or something. Soda popped his head in as the contents of the shelf fell into the sink.

"Hey, Pony..... Whoa, what's goin' on in here? Looks like you're getting ready for a rumble or something. What gives?"

"Nah, I'm going to church." I tried to act casual, like I was saying I was going to the movies. You can bet how that worked out.

"Church, huh?" Soda said, speculating. Then, he started walking down the hall to our room, whistling. Soda pop didn't really like church.

I found the hair oil, after cleaning up the big mess before Darry saw. By that time, I barely had a second to shove dinner down my throat before a car horn sounded and I was out, my heart beating like a drum. One of those drums that you see in a marching band, too.

The church was big and eerie. It had an old Roman look to it, almost. The lights were dim, and the stained glass windows seemed illuminated. It gave me the impression that there would be boring old hymns with an out-of-tune sung by a million year old lady. But, I saw a band warming up on the side of the altar.

The next thing that caught my eye kept my gaze for the rest of the service. Right above the table, there was a massive cross on the wall. Not just any cross, it had a wooden statue of a body hanging on it. I had listened to the sermons in the other church I had been in, so I knew that was Jesus. What struck me was the way they depicted it. There was a lot of blood. The artist had carved the body in such a way that it seemed like you were seeing the ribs of a brutally beaten man. I didn't know what to think. I knew the brief version of the story, but never imagined it this graphic.

All the high school kids sat together in the front. I thought that was tuff, because then no one had to know I didn't have a family here. What's more, they seemed excited. I expected people to be bored in a church like this, all formal looking and big, but no one seemed bored. As the first song started up, I knew I liked it there.

The whole service was great, though some parts confused me. I really liked the sermon (though, Sarah called it something else. A homily, I think.) It was directed straight for us kids in the front. I actually began to understand what it meant to live for Christ. I had heard preachers before drone on and on about being nice and doing right, but nothing like what I heard that night. It was like these people really knew the score.

After the service, all the high schoolers met in the church basement. They had some snacks and things, and people mingled around. About half the people there were socs, but none of them looked down on me, despite my obvious greaser appearance. (The hair was a dead giveaway) I saw some kids I knew from school. People who had never acknowledged me at school started talking to me.

A guy in blue jeans and a t-shirt came up to Sarah and me as she was explaining what we were going to do tonight.

"Hey, Sarah, what's up?" He said. Then, he noticed me. "Hi, I'm Matt. Never seen you here before."

"The name's Ponyboy. Sarah invited me tonight."

"That's pretty neat. You've found yourself a good friend here, Ponyboy. What school are you from?"

"The public high school up on Lincoln Street."

"Hey, I go there too. I don't think I've ever seen you in the halls or anything, though."

Sarah and Matt began to talk a little about some political thing going on. Roe versus Wade or something strange like that. I just listened, trying to catch what was going on.

A lady called all the teens to sit down in some chairs that made a circle. Some of the seniors in the group put on a skit, and then they let us divide up into small groups to talk about the night's topic. I felt out of place and awkward as we formed a group of four.

"So," Sarah began, "What do you all feel like bringing up tonight?"

A sandy haired kid spoke up.

"I think we ought to introduce ourselves first."

"Alright, that works. You can go first."

The kid solemnly cleared his throat. "I'm Jon Fretz. I'm a junior at Saint John Bosco high school, it's north of town."

"Chelsea Patricks. I go to Chester High school. I'm a sophomore."

It was my turn next. The three of them looked at me expectantly.

"Uh, Ponyboy. Ponyboy Curtis. I go to the local public high school. Sophomore." I spoke as quickly as I could, and let out a deep breath when I was done.

"Okay, well, I'm Sarah Piatt. I'm a freshman at the public high school."

Jon spoke up next. "Okay, now that everyone knows everyone, let's get down to business. I guess today's topic is living the gospel and setting examples. That closely relates to peer pressure, if you think about it..." Jon went on for a little. They all talked about what it's like to be a good Catholic Christian. That confused me. I had never heard the term catholic before. A voice broke into my thoughts.

"What are you thinking over there, Ponyboy?"

"Oh, um..." I stuttered, "I've never heard the term catholic before. What gives? Y'all are Christians, right? So what's the difference?" I hadn't intended on saying that much, just short, terse answers were my intention, but curiosity had taken hold of me.

"Catholics are Christians, you're right about that." Jon chuckled, "But some Christians think that we're going to hell because we don't think the same way they do."

I was planning on staying in my quiet mode, keeping my mouth shut, but I really wanted to know.

"I thought a Christian was a Christian, though. Why complicate it further? Who cares who's going where?" those questions burst out of me. I was unable to suppress my need to know what was so complicated about being a Christian. You went to church, read a book, and didn't do things like steal or cuss.

"If everyone could think like you, our community would be a much better place." Chelsea put in.

The discussion continued from there, the group talking about how hard it was for people to understand that Catholics were Christians. By the end of the night, my head was swimming. How could some people not see it? That was what was really getting to me. I guessed that I was just an outsider looking in, though, so I figured I was the one who really didn't get it.

Sarah did help tear down, so I ended up stacking chairs and sweeping up. The guy from the small group, Jon, was helping too. After everything was getting taken care of as far a cleaning, he pulled me aside.

"Hey, Pony, I just wanted to...." He started, but then he saw my face. I guess I was frowning or something, because it stopped him for a minute. "What?" he asked.

"It's nothing, keep going."

He shrugged, then continued. "I wanted to thank you for coming tonight. We don't get many new kids here, except for the beginning of the year when new freshmen come in. Anyhow, I think it took a lot of guts for you to come. I mean, not being catholic or anything, I'd think that would be kind of intimidating."

I let what he said sink in. He was right, it took guts. But, it wasn't a big deal, really. I just did it so I could find out more about Sarah, and, curiosity, I guess. I could tell that Sarah had wanted me to come.

"It's no big deal, I guess." I shrugged.

"Well, I don't think I could have done it. Anyway, I sure hope you come back. See you later, man." He shook my hand, and then walked out the door, twirling his car keys. I caught a glimpse of the key. He drove a mustang. He was a soc.


	9. Chapter 9

The next day began like every normal Monday. I woke up, ran at practice, sat through the morning classes, then went down to the DX with Two-bit and Steve. It was what I did almost every Monday, except for the occasional time where I ran into Sarah and ditched the guys to eat lunch with her.

I walked into the garage, looking for Soda. He was under a car, changing its oil.

"Soda?" I called.

"Hey, Pony, what's up?" Soda rolled out from under the car and gave me a grease-smeared grin. Jumping to his feet, he thumped me on the shoulder and walked to the store to buy some Pepsi. I watched him go, examining his walk. I still couldn't understand how he did it. Get all the girls, I mean. With his stained mechanic's suit and smudged face, you'd think that any decent girl would turn their noses, but it seemed to only attract them more.

We weren't even halfway to the store at the gas station before a blonde with a skirt that was too short and way too much eye make-up walked up.

"Hey, Soda," she giggled. It was a high-pitched, annoying giggle, like fingernails on a chalkboard. I vaguely wondered why I hadn't decided to eat lunch with Sarah. Then, I remembered that I had no Pepsi. Oh, well, that must have been why I stayed with the guys.

"Hi," Soda said coolly, humoring her flirtations. She giggled and ran off.

"Girls," I scoffed, thinking that Sarah would never be that dumb.

"Hey, now, you," Soda teased, "What about a certain brunette you're always hanging with?"

I felt my ears get red. "She ain't dumb like _some_ girls." I stated. It was true. Soda just chuckled and bought some Pepsi.

The rest of lunch hour, I sat on the tailgate of our Ford and watched girls constantly flirt with Soda. It got kind of irritating. Most of them were dressed in clothes skimpy enough to have been 2 sizes to small. There were a few nicer ones, and I noticed Soda talked to them more. I took mental notes. Maybe they might come in handy some day. Not that I liked girls or anything.... Sarah was an exception. Besides, she didn't act like a girl half the time.

When I got home from school later, the house was empty, as usual. I knew Two-bit would probably come slamming in here before long, followed by Soda and Steve. Taking advantage of the unknown amount of minutes before the peace was disturbed, I poured myself some chocolate milk and sat down with my homework. Ah, the Iliad. Most kids hated it. I found it entertaining. Those Greeks were nothing but trouble.

I was startled out of the book hours later when Darry came in from work. It was then that I looked at the clock and realized that neither Two-bit, Steve, nor Soda had so much as walked in the door for 4 hours. I rubbed my eyes.

"Hey, Darry, how was work?"

"Oh, you know the usual. Where's Soda pop? He's never late for dinner."

I looked at him sheepishly, "I don't know. I've been stuck in this book all afternoon."

It then hit me how odd that it was. Soda always, and I mean _always,_ came home after worked, asked for the mail, kicked off his shoes, and had some chocolate milk. Sure, he might leave again after that, but it was his after work ritual, which he never missed. Unless...

Darry tried to hide his worry. "Well, I'll get out of these dirty clothes and start dinner."

I just nodded, dazed. I wasn't sure what to think. Soda, he never just went off. But, I couldn't let myself think something had happened to him. No, my imagination was not going to run off with me again. Soda would be here any minute. I was lying to myself again. I still didn't believe me.

When supper was cooked, the table set, and everything getting cold, Darry and I really started to worry.

"We can't eat without Soda. Besides, I'm not hungry." With that statement, I threw my tennis shoes on and headed out the door, Darry on my heals.

"I feel like I should be telling you to come back inside and eat supper, but I can't help but agree with you. Man, kid, I have a bad gut feeling about this." Whoa, I was shocked. Darry actually admitted to me that he agreed. Of course, though. Of course we should be out looking for Soda.

"You want me to go to Two-bits, or the lot?" I asked, knowing Darry would have a good plan. Also, knowing that we'd better split up, in case there really was something horribly wrong and time was against us.

"I'll go to Two-bit's. You take the lot. We'll meet back at the house." Darry sounded like a general issuing orders. Part of me felt like answering yes sir.

The lot was empty, save for a football that had been left there weeks ago. I still searched high and low, hoping that maybe Soda was just playing a big joke on us. I didn't think it was very funny, though.

When I got back to the house, Darry was there with Two-bit. Two-bit hadn't seen Soda since lunch at DX. My stomach did flip flops as I considered what this might mean. Darry just sighed, and we sat down for dinner. None of us were hungry, but we all knew that we couldn't waste food.

After dinner, we silently cleared the table, everyone lost to their own thoughts. Two-bit even helped clean, which meant that he was seriously thinking. When the dishes were done, we went out looking again. Soda was no where to be found. We searched everywhere, all over town, until a quarter to nine. Then, Two-bit headed in for the night.

"Well, y'all, I need to get home. Mom wants me with the kid after 9:00. See y'all tomorrow." With that, he waved and walked out the door. I figured. Two-bit's mom worked double shifts and didn't get home until past midnight. I knew she worried about Two-bit's kid sister, but, only half the time she could get him to worry about her.

Running out of placed to look, Darry and I headed home. Now, all we could do was wait.

At around 9:45, I was getting ready to doze off, when Darry stood and walked down the hall. A few minutes later, I heard the shower running. I guess Darry felt like he had to do something. I was sure he had already read through that paper five times. Yawning, I was about to let my eyes shut when I heard the sound of footsteps up our front porch.

Soda appeared in the doorway. There was blood streaming down his face from a gash on his forehead, and he was looked like he was about to fall over.

"Soda!" I jumped up and grabbed him before he hit the floor. "What the heck happened? Where were you? Oh, Soda..." I trailed off, his blood staining my shirt red. I dragged him over to the couch and tried to lay him down as gently as I could.

"Ohhh..." he moaned.

"Soda, what hurts?" I asked worriedly. Man, I had never seen him that bad. Sure, he'd had black eyes and bruises before, but normally nothing worse than that.

He didn't answer right away. Instead, he lay there, not moving or talking. I could tell he was in some serious pain. Glory, what could have happened? Soda was a tough fighter. I couldn't believe that he had been beat up, so I tried to think of other things. Maybe a part from a car he was fixing fell on him. No, that couldn't be, because there seemed to be more wrong than just that cut on his head. Then I realized it was still bleeding.

I grabbed a dishcloth and wet it with cold water. The shower stopped and I heard Darry walk into his room to get dressed. Good, he could have a few more minutes before he had to see Soda like he was. I started dabbing at his head as gently as I could. It obviously wasn't gentle enough, because Soda moaned again and started to writhe in pain.

"Easy, Soda, easy," I soothed.

"Oww..." he moaned again. "Don't go so hard," Soda gasped, his voice barely a whisper.

"Do you remember what happened?" I questioned.

"Socs.... a bunch of them. One said something about... about a girlfriend." He stopped to wince and grab his side, take a slow, short breath, and then continued. "They surrounded me. I tried to run... Beer. They had a beer bottle... Glory.... Can't...breathe..." I thought he was going to pass out. I wasn't sure what to do. Lucky for me, Darry walked in just then.

"Hey, Pony, any sign of.... Glory, kid! Soda! What the heck happened! Is he? Soda, are you..." He didn't finish his sentence. Running over, he examined Soda's head, then pulled up his shirt, at which Soda let out a howl. I drew in a sharp breath.

Soda's ribs were bruised and swollen. You could tell he had been hit all over, and hard. Lordy, no wonder he couldn't breathe.

"We have got to get you to a hospital, little buddy," Darry said solemnly.

"No... don't move me... don't want any doctors pokin' at me."

"You have got to go in, but we can wait until tomorrow," he hesitated. I knew he thought Soda should go in right then. Darry wasn't any doctor, but he had seen enough injuries to know that this was serious.

We all sat there, Soda gasping for each breath, and me and Darry watching. After a little while, Darry spoke.

"Pony boy, go to bed. You have school tomorrow," his voice was tired. I knew I had to stay with Soda. I owed it to him for all the times he had been there for me.

"No," I said with finality. "No, I have as much right to take care of Soda as you do. I'm part of this family, and I have to help."

Darry sighed. "Fine," I knew he didn't want a fight.

"Hey, Soda," Darry whispered, "Do you want to stay out here all night, or can I help you to bed?"

"Mmhh," he moaned, "I wanna go to my bed, but I don't think I'll make it..."

"Take it easy, kid. Me and Pony are right here. We'll help you get there."

Soda drew in a slow breath and tried to ease himself up to sitting. That resulted in what appeared to be immense pain as he curled up, hugging his side. Darry gently slid an arm under him and helped him up. From there, Darry and I half carried, half dragged him to our room. When we finally got him in a good position on the bed, he was as white as a ghost, and I could tell he was holding back tears of pain.

"Get some sleep, Soda," Darry advised. "You need anything?"

Soda stayed quiet for a minute. "No," he gasped.

I could tell Darry was stalling, wanting to stay up with Soda the whole night, but we all knew he was working tomorrow. Soda pop wouldn't want Darry to be up all night. As it were, I could tell he was wishing both of us would go to sleep and leave him to his pain. Tough luck for him.

"Darry, you ought to go to bed. I'll be here, and I'll holler if Soda needs something."

He hesitated before conceding to my request. He still worked too hard, worried too much, and didn't take care of himself. Soda and I were trying to fix that, but Darry is a hard guy to convince to do anything for himself.

"Alright, goodnight you two."

When Darry left, I got undressed and climbed into bed. Soda was resting peacefully, but I knew he wasn't asleep. As I shut off the light, I got a feeling that there was going to be a long night ahead of me.

I awoke later that night to Soda moving around in the other bed.

"Soda? Are you alright?" I started to kick off the covers and walk over.

"Man.... I think I'm gonna be sick..."

I wasn't sure if it was a statement because of the pain, or if he was serious. Either way, I grabbed the wastebasket by our door incase he was serious. It was just in time. When he finished getting sick, he laid there and breathed heavily.

"Do you need anything?" I asked, concerned. I wasn't sure what was normal for someone who had been beat up this badly. I remembered when Johnny got beat up. He had stayed at our house for a few days and laid low. After about a week, he was back to normal, with the exception that he jumped at his on shadow from then on. From what I could remember, he hadn't been as sick as Soda was. Then again, he hadn't had his ribs busted as much as Soda's were.

"Just... help me," he winced, struggling to get off his side and on to his back. I guided him over and he shut his eyes.

"What was that about?"

"I don't know. My ribs.... Ohhh," he moaned.

"I'm gonna get Darry," I jumped up and headed for the door.

"Don't," he pleaded, grabbing my arm.

I looked at him, begging with my eyes to let me get him help. Gosh, I might have been his kid brother, but he needed someone to take care of him. Before I had fallen asleep, I remembered all the times Soda had taken care of me. It only seemed right for me to return the favor now.

His grip relaxed, and he closed his eyes. His quick, short breaths let me know the amount of pain he was in. My gut told me to get Darry right away; that this was not normal, and we had to get help. But, I didn't want to think what moving Soda might do. Instead, I felt Soda's head. He was burning hot. I got a cool rag and sat there with him the entire night.

A/N: This one was long, I know. The idea just popped into my head. Pony is learning what loving and caring about someone is all about, starting with helping Soda. Part of me couldn't believe I would let something happen to Soda pop, but to get the lesson across to Pony, it had to happen.

P.S. Thank's for all the great reviews! I can't believe how nice you all are. I don't mind a little criticism, but, the encouragement is great!


	10. Chapter 10

Soda and I didn't get a wink of sleep the rest of the night. I think he was in too much pain to relax, and I was afraid the second I fell asleep he'd need something. Darry checked on us a couple of times, but I made sure that he thought I was asleep. Whenever I heard his footsteps, I'd kind of slump over and close my eyes to make it look like I had fallen asleep while sitting next to Soda. I don't think he really believed I was sleeping, but he figured that everything was as good as could be expected.

We all went to the hospital as soon as Darry was up. He had to carry Soda to get him out the door. I don't think he would have moved if he could. Soda was pretty stubborn, and he had made it clear that he didn't want to go see a doctor. Darry, though, was more stubborn than Soda, and he also had the strength to back up his stubbornness. If the situation hadn't involved my brothers, I may have laughed about the battle of wills.

After waiting an eternity in the Emergency Room, they finally looked Soda pop over. It turned out he had broken two ribs clear in half and bruised some of his other ribs. He got eleven stitches in his head where a glass bottle had sliced him open. The doc said that if it was a little deeper we'd be dealing with a chipped skull.

I found out that Soda had gotten sick because his side had swelled up so much it put pressure on his stomach. It sounded horribly dangerous to me, but the doc said that it didn't cause any damage to his organs. They sent us home with a bottle of painkillers and instructions to put ice on, well, everything, if you got down to it.

I was relieved when the jolting of the Ford ceased as we pulled in the driveway. I was beat, and I imagined Soda was even more exhausted than me. Darry helped Soda lie down on the couch. They would have gone to our room, but the couch was as far as Soda could get. He fell asleep almost instantly. Those pain pills sure kicked in fast.

"I never thought I'd see this day..." Darry muttered as he put a blanket over Soda.

I would have asked what he meant, but I already knew. I never thought I would see the day that Soda got beat this badly in a fight, either. I just stood there zoning out for a minute when the thought of school brought me back to reality. Shaking my head, I wondered how in the world I would make it through the whole day without falling asleep in class.

"Pony, I want you to stay home today," Darry's voice was music to my ears.

"Why?" I yawned, trying to at least pretend I wanted to go to school.

Darry gave me that look that says he know exactly what I'm thinking. "Come on, kid, you expect me to buy that? You get some sleep and take care of Sodapop, you hear?"

"Okay," I relented. Of course I listened to him. I _had_ stayed up the whole night before.

I slept away the rest of the morning, only getting up to check on Soda and get him some more pain killers. Around noon I awoke to my growling stomach. Brilliant me, I had forgotten to eat breakfast. Again. I always was forgetting the most essential things like eating or putting on shoes. (Yes, I still forget my shoes everywhere. I walked to school one morning, only to show up at the track in my stocking feet. Everyone had a laugh out of that.)

There wasn't any chocolate cake, for once. I grabbed some eggs and started up the griddle. I almost made some with the yokes not hard for Soda, but then remembered that he wasn't going to be able to eat. It was lonely at the table, so I quickly ate my hard eggs and moseyed back into the living room. Soda was up, and for once looked like he was comfortable.

"Hey, how ya feeling?" I plopped down on the floor beside the couch.

"Hmm, better," he sighed. "I sure could use something to drink."

"Sure, want some water?"

"We got any chocolate milk?"

I looked at him funny. "Uh, yeah, I think so. You sure you want that?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Now, do I have to get it, or were you planning to?" He cracked a grin, which let me know that he really was feeling better. I was thinking it was the painkillers they gave him, but you never know with Soda.

I heard him rustling around as I poured the milk, and when I got back he was sitting up, breathing heavily.

"Take it easy there," I said, "You've still got broken ribs and stitches, no matter what those pain pills did."

"You know, kid, you're starting to sound too much like Darry." Soda took a swig of his

milk, too quickly. He choked and sputtered, which aggravated his ribs. If I hadn't

grabbed the glass it would have spilled everywhere. Soda winced and held his side,

taking deep breaths.

I wanted to make a smart remark, but I knew it just wasn't what Soda could use right

then.

"I think you should lie back down," I suggested. Soda didn't argue. I knew his head was

giving him some trouble, too. The look on his face said it all.

"Man..." he said in disbelief, "I never thought someone would beat me up this bad."

"Neither did I," I said honestly. There was silence for a few minutes, both of us thinking

our own thoughts. "What happened, Soda?" I asked, sounding almost like an 8 year old,

even to myself.

Soda thought a while, and then answered. "I don't rightly know. I was walkin' home

from DX. Darry had picked up the car earlier because he had needed it after his lunch

break. As I was walking, I started to get the sense that someone was following me. I kind

of prepared myself, expecting a fight. But I never expected what was coming. I looked

behind me once, and no one was there. Then, the next think I knew, there were six guys

surrounding me. I didn't know what the heck to do, Pony. They smelled like beer, and

were staggering. One of them slurred somethin' about trying to steal his girlfriend. Dang

socs, I didn't do nothing to their girlfriends. You were there yesterday. You saw all them

girls. The dumb broads that were dressed like they were wearin' their little sister's

clothes, and the okay ones who were decent. I never tried to pick any of those girls up!

What the heck did I do wrong, Pony?

"I tried to find a way out of the middle of their circle. I punched the one guy to

make an opening, but they all grabbed me. Gosh, Ponyboy, I kicked and punched as hard

as I could. The one guy still had his beer bottle. When I tried to grab it, he smashed it

against the wall and sliced me with it. I think he was aiming for my eyes. Man, that glass

hurt so bad I couldn't even think straight..... Then they punched me. I don't remember

anything else...." Soda trailed off, and we both drifted to sleep after the exhausting day

before.

Someone was knocking on the door. I rolled over, realizing I had fallen asleep on the

hard wood floor. Everything was kind of stiff. I looked at the clock. _Glory! _ I thought,

_I slept for three hours straight._ Soda was still out cold on the couch. I heard someone at

the door again, and realized that that was what had woke me up. Rolling to my feet, I

plodded to the door, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Who could possibly have been

knocking? Everyone knows they can just walk right in.

"Sarah!" I was shocked to see the brown-eyed beauty standing at the door.

"Hey, Ponyboy," she started to get a little red, like she was embarrassed.

"What's up?" I used the new phrase I had heard someone use somewhere recently.

She smirked. "The sky, of course. Take a look for yourself."

"Well yeah, I meant, what's going on? What do you need?"

"I know, Pony, I was just kidding. I was wondering why you weren't in school today. It's

not like you to miss school. Is something wrong? Are you alright?"

"I'm okay. Do you want to come in?"

She looked at the sun. "Sure, but why did you miss school?"

"Soda got beat up yesterday. I was up all night with him. Darry told me to stay home to

catch up on sleep and take care of Soda. So that's what I did." I wasn't meaning to come

across so matter of fact. The truth was, I wasn't looking forward to catching up on the

work I missed. Sarah's face sunk.

"Is he alright? Did I wake you guys up? I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"Hey, don't sweat it. The doc said he'll be fine. See, Soda's still out like a light on the

couch. Do you want something to drink?"

"No, thanks. Gosh, what happened? He looks pretty bad," her eyes bugged out when she

saw the bandage over Soda's forehead. I thought it was pretty cute when they bugged out,

but I forced myself to stay cool and push those thoughts away.

"Yeah, he got eleven stitches from a glass bottle slicing him, and broke two ribs clean in

half."

"Oh." There was a long paused as she digested this. "Do you guys need anything? I'm

sure my mom could bring dinner over for you or something."

I was really tempted to say yes to the dinner. Her mom was always cooking something

that smelled heavenly. But, we were independent boys. "We'll manage," I said.

She eyed me conspicuously. That always meant she was plotting something. "Nope, I

think you could use a break from cooking. I also thing that you want to say yes, but are

too stubborn."

Glory, this girl knew me too well, and I'd only known her a little while. "Okay," I gave

in. Soda taught me that when a girl puts her foot down, it's best not to argue.

She grinned. "That's better."

I couldn't help but laugh. I loved the way her eyes danced when she laid down the law. Soda stirred just then, and hollered for me.

"What's wrong, Soda?" I walked over to the couch.

"My head's killing me..." he moaned. I could tell he couldn't think straight.

Sarah's face was the perfect picture of genuine concern. Her face clearly pleaded to let her help.

"Hey," I said softly, "can you grab the medicine bottle on the counter in the kitchen?"

She nodded wordlessly and was there and back to the couch in two seconds flat.

"Who's here?" Soda mumbled, not opening his eyes.

"It's me, Sarah," she spoke gently, "You alright?"

"It's just a scratch," he claimed, though he still wouldn't open his eyes.

The screen door slammed as Steve and Two-bit paraded in, as was their normal after school ritual.

"What's happening?" Two-bit was using his normal, loud voice. He stopped in his tracks when he noticed Sodapop on the couch.

"Could you keep it down in here?" Soda scolded irritably.

"Whoa, Soda's down. What in the state of Oklahoma happened?" I was surprised there was less sarcasm. Steve just stood there. He knew, and so did Two-bit. They knew the score and how things went down. But Two-bit was the kind of person to ignore that. They'd get the scoop later, and Steve would get so burning mad we wouldn't see him until the next afternoon.

Right then, I had to get Soda to swallow the painkillers, make sure the guys weren't bouncing all over the house, and wish that I could just go for a walk and talk to Sarah.

"I'd better get home," Sarah headed for the door. "I'll come by later with dinner for you guys. Bye." She bounded out the door, and I didn't have much time to so much as call goodbye and thank her. I sighed and got back to Soda, the boys, and my life as a 15 year old greaser.

A/N: Sorry, once again, for the delay. You all know how it goes, so I don't think I need to explain myself too much. I got past the hard part, and right now I'm free of writer's block, so I might have another chapter up before next week. Let's just pray that I get the time!


	11. Chapter 11

"Ponyboy Curtis, if you don't get out of that bed THIS INSTANT, I'm gonna skin you!" Darry's voice was not a pleasant thing to wake up to. I rolled over and took a peek at the clock. It was 6:55 on Friday morning, and I was beat. School was going to be hard to endure.

The whole rest of the week had been so stressful that I was ready for the weekend, despite my break on Tuesday. Two days didn't seem enough for all the things that had happened. Soda, being the happy-go-lucky guy that he is, bounced back by Thursday. He insisted on going to work, although Darry pretty much ordered him to stay home. When Soda's got energy, there's no containing him. I knew it was a dumb move, him going to work, I mean. After I had a concussion, I had to stay in bed for a week. A concussion may have been different than broken ribs and stitches, but I figured if any difference it would take longer to heal. When I got out of school to Two-bit honking the horn of his car wildly at me, I got a sick feeling in my stomach. It turned out that working was definitely too much for Soda, and he had collapsed. We all knew it, but Soda was 17 ½, and we couldn't really tell him until he found out for himself. Steve had to bring him to the ER for the second time in a week. Once again, I had spent the night taking care of Sodapop. By 4:30, he was asleep and I could crawl into bed for another 2 ½ hours of sleep before school.

Darry trudged into the bedroom. "I was serious. Get up, kid, you're gonna be late for school."

"I don't want to go to school..." I mumbled irritably.

"I don't care. Get," he pulled the covers off of me and pulled the pillow out from under my head.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, and then realized Soda was still sleeping. Darry gave me his impatient look that he almost always is wearing.

"Alright, alright, I'm going." I rustled around and found some clothes. While dressing, I remembered a week ago when I went to visit Johnny and Dally's graves. Glory, it seemed way longer than a week ago. I could remember the whole dialogue. As I was pulling on a white t-shirt, a thought from that conversation stopped me dead. The decision. I had decided. Church and Soda getting hurt made me forget.

I dashed out the door after yelling to Darry that I was going to walk Sarah home after school.

It was a normal day, filled with the monotone of teacher's voices, the bustling of the kids in the hall, and that dang bell. There were very few days in my high school career where I hated that bell. That day was one of them. Every time it rang I wanted to throw something at it. I was relieved when it sounded its final call to signify school's end.

Seeing the flash of dark brown in the swarming halls, I took off towards it.

"Sarah, hey," I tapped her on the shoulder. The warmth of her body penetrated though my finger and to my heart. I shivered.

"Hello, Pony." She seemed focused on something else, like she was deep in though. That happened a lot, so I just walked beside her silently, enjoying the moment. Right then, there were no other kids in that hall. It was just me and Sarah, walking through a pine grove in the country...

"How are you?" her voice broke my fairy land of thought.

"What? Oh, I'm fine. What about you?"

"Okay." There was something about her tone that jogged my subconscious into thing that something was wrong. I ignored it.

"Thinking again?" I give her a grin.

"Yeah..." There was an attempt at a half grin. In the silence that followed I gather my thoughts and prepared myself. All day, I had been planning, and now I felt tongue tied.

"Hey... Can I walk you home? There's something I want to show you."

She turned to me and I thought I saw a faint flicker of curiosity. "Sure, what is it that you want to show me?"

"I can't tell you, you have to see."

Sarah stopped walking. "What are you planning, Ponyboy Curtis?"

"Planning?" I tried to look innocent.

"Where are we going?"

"I was thinking on taking the scenic route to your house. Unless, that is, you object." I was mocking her eloquent way of speaking, but luckily she didn't catch on. The graveyard technically was a long way to her house, in some odd way.

I had already told her about greasers and socs. That had come up Tuesday night when she had come back to bring us dinner. I had explained to her the whole rivalry, taking nearly an hour to complete it all. Steve caught the tail end of my history of the soc/greaser feud, and mumbled something about Dally being the toughest grease there ever was. Sarah had looked at me with puzzled eyes, which lead to a brief explanation of Dally and Johnny. I couldn't handle much more than five minutes of talking about it, but she was really curious. Steve helped me out a little. I think she sensed that it hurt to talk about, because she stopped asking questions after Steve explained a little of it. It wasn't completely about the pain of thinking about it. She thought pretty highly of me, as far as I knew. I wouldn't want to ruin that by telling her I had a best friend who murdered a soc, then we had run away, during which we accidentally set an old church on fire, and then attempted to save little kids who had gotten trapped inside. I assumed that some part of that story would make her never want to see me again. Someday, I knew she'd find out. Until then, I'd let her get to know who I was now that that was over. Maybe by the time she found out about my story, she'd trust me enough to know that I wasn't a criminal.

The October leaves were tinted all different colors in the graveyard. Minimal talking went on the whole way there. Normally, we would be talking our hearts out about something unimportant. It was on the way there that I allowed myself to wonder if something really was wrong. Before I had time to ask, the graveyard came up and it was time to explain why we were there.

We walked past the old tombstones, each covered in leaves and bearing their own story.

"What are we doing?" Sarah whispered. It was like breaking the silence would wake the people up.

"I wanted to show you this," I said as we approached the correct graves. "These were my friends, Johnny and Dallas. They died in the same night. Johnny was my best friend..." I paused, letting her ask questions if she had any. When she was silent, staring at the graves with her eyes wide open, I continued. "I didn't think I'd ever let someone get as close to me as Johnny was. He just understood me without having to say anything...."

"I'm so sorry, Ponyboy," she looked like she was going to cry. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and tell her not to cry.

"Don't be sorry... Please don't be." That was all I could get out. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to continue. "You're the first person I've actually wanted to let in. After they died, I just shut all my emotions off. I refused to feel. But, since the first day I saw you, I knew I could let you in. Sarah..." I saw a single tear escape her eye. "Don't do that. Please don't cry. I really like you. You're the first girl I've felt this way about." I faltered, but regained composure and continued. "Do you think, well, would you...? Would you be my girlfriend?" There, I had done it. I asked her. Now it was up to her. And I felt like a danged fool.

Her reaction was one I couldn't have predicted in my wildest dreams (and I did have some wild ones).

"You don't want to be my boyfriend..." the tears she had been holding back were slowly falling.

"But I do," I insisted. "I really do. What's the matter?"

"I'm not that perfect, Ponyboy." Her tearful eyes met mine. "I'll drive you crazy. Besides, I don't think you'd even want to try to get past my dad and Justin."

"Drive me crazy?! That's ridiculous, girl!" I softened my tone. "You'll never drive me crazy. Not ever, you hear? You're the best friend I've had in a long time."

"No," he tone hardened. "You don't understand. I can't possibly be a good girlfriend. I don't even make a good friend right now. How can help you if I can't even help myself?"

I was really confused at that comment. "What are you talking about?"

"Ponyboy, listen to me. There's something wrong with me. The doctor said it's something that scientists are just looking into. I can't control how I feel, I can't think straight, and I'm down without a reason. They think it's something with brain chemicals, I don't know. But I drive everyone in my house crazy, so who's to say before long I'll drive you crazy?" She was just standing there, looking so alone and confused. It made me love her even more, if this was love. "I have to go home." She turned and walked away.

I wanted to run after her as fast as I could and assure her that I would never push her away, ever. That I'd always feel like this, and having something messed up with body chemicals wasn't going to change anything. But something told me to say where I was, so I did. The silhouette of her body shook as she walked, and I knew she was crying.

"Why?" I turned to face Johnny's grave. "What the heck is wrong with me?" I wanted to kick something. Instead, I ran. I ran away from town, farther from my house, towards the country, or anything that would explain to me why Sarah didn't think I'd like her more once I knew her better. I already knew a lot about her, and I was yearning to know more. If she needed someone to hold on to, I'd be there. Didn't she know that?

When I calmed down, I headed back towards home. There had to be a way to convince her. If it meant just being her friend until eternity, I would do it.


	12. Chapter 12

I flung the front door open and trudged in from the cool October weather. Steve and Soda were hanging out in the living room. Soda seemed better, but he still looked weak. I guess he sensed something when I walked in, because when I didn't say hi he slowly got up and followed me.

"Hey, kid. What's going on?" He was trying to keep up with my long strides to our bedroom.

Without looking at him, I answered, "You should be lying down. You're going to hurt yourself."

"Ponyboy, turn around and look at me. I'll be fine. What's got you all uptight?"

I did as he requested. He did look alright, I guess. He still was struggling to stay upright.

"Nothing, I just had a long day." I turned back and walking into our bedroom, flopped onto my bed. Soda didn't follow me.

Hours later, I awoke to the normal sounds of our house. The music was blaring, someone was cooking dinner, the TV was on, and the general ruckus of laughter and swearing could be heard. I rolled off of my old bed, and it creaked and moaned at my movements. The sun had set already, and all the lights in the house were on. Two-bit, Steve, and Soda were playing cards, so I joined them.

I wasn't angry anymore. The sleep had taken off the sting, and I just forgot about the rest. Sarah was Sarah, and nothing would change that. I was sure of it.

"Dinner's ready, ya'll!" Darry was holding an empty skillet in his hand as he walked in the living room. "Hey, looks like the kid's up. Hi Pony."

"Hey Darry," I said, not bothering to look up.

The rest of the night was the normal kind of school night at the Curtis household. I did homework, Soda, Steve and Two-bit hung out, and Darry read the paper. Everything quieted down at around 10 o clock, and the three of us went to bed.

The next day I took it easy. Saturdays were always enjoyable, no matter what the week before had been like. After lunch, I decided to go out. Darry wouldn't be home for another 5 or so hours, and Steve would keep Sodapop company, so I could take my sweet time. Sprinting down Main Street, I felt the cool fall breeze on my face. It blew through my hair, and filled me with energy. Oklahoma wasn't the coldest state in the country, but we still got some cold fronts and chilly weather. My thin t-shirt didn't block any of the cold, so by the time I reached Sarah's house, I was a little chilly.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I got to their front walk. My worst nightmare was sitting there, calmly reading a book, on the front step. I seriously considered making a run for it, and pretending like I had been out for a jog, but his eyes lifted off the page before I could move a muscle. His eyebrows raised slightly, then changed to having one cocked up and the other down as he studied me. I prepared myself for the evil glare that always came after these expressions. I wasn't sure why this guy didn't like me, but I knew that if I wasn't careful, I'd end up in bad shape. So, I watched it when I was around him.

"Hello," Justin said, in an almost friendly manner.

Not wanting to offend him, I managed to get out a weak, "hey." I was thinking maybe he forgot who I was, and that boosted my confidence a little. "Is Sarah home?" I asked, praying that he didn't smash my face in. He scrutinized me for a minute before replying.

"No, Ponyboy Curtis, she's out with Brie." So much for him forgetting who I was.

"Oh," I turned to walk away, but he continued.

"I'm glad you stopped by, though," I thought I sensed a hint of evil in his voice. "I've wanted to talk to you." I froze. I felt myself break into a cold sweat. It dripped down my back, and my heart began racing.

"Uh, alright," I stuttered. "What do you want to talk about?" I stuck my thumbs in my pockets and slouched, hoping to look tougher than I felt. He closed his book and waved me over. Hesitating slightly, I walked over. I didn't sit on the step until he told me too. This close, he was even scarier than before. The thing that shocked me most was that, though I feared him like I would a soc, he didn't smell, dress, or look like one in the least bit. It was the middle of October and he was clad in a sleeveless shirt and shorts. There wasn't even a hint of tobacco or alcohol on him, which was a rarity in Tulsa.

"You and I have been briefly introduced, but nothing more, really." He spoke eloquently enough, but at the same time it was in a tone that made me want to listen. "So this is basically it: I want to know who you are, what you're about, and your feelings about my little sister."

"Your little sister?" I was puzzled.

"Sarah."

"But I thought you were her neighbor..."

He grinned crazily, and I thought I caught a look of almost approval, but there was also some malice. "This is true. We are neighbors. But I look out for her, and so she is my little sister. It's like an unwritten law. So, tell me, what are you about?"

I stayed silent for a moment. "Uh... I don't know what you mean."

"What do you do, Ponyboy? What are your grades in school?"

"They're average, mostly A's and B's. I run track, too. Brie and I are on the same team." I was hoping that would please him, but it didn't.

"And what about outside of school? What are your friends like? And your parents?"

His last question hit me like an ice block right in the chest. I felt the anger rise up inside me, but I fought to keep it down. The cold outside was nothing compared to the coldness I felt for the guy next to me at that moment.

"My parents are dead," I said dryly. "I live with my older brothers. They both work."

"Oh," he said, as if I had just said something about the weather. He allowed some silence, and then he continued. "How old are you, kid?" His tone had softened a little.

"15." He didn't pry about my parents or brothers anymore. Instead, he went straight to his climax.

"So why do you hang out with my sister?" It was a blunt question, one that caught me off guard.

"Uh, I-I," I stuttered, groping for words. "She's tuff in a different way. It's just... fun to be around her."

The look on his face told me he knew exactly what I meant, but he wasn't going to let me off easy.

"Fun to be around?" There went the eyebrow again. "What do you mean by that? Elaborate for me."

"Well..." I took a deep breath, not wanting to tell this guy a darn thing. "She's gold." That's all I said.

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Yes," he drawled slowly. There was a long pause as he sat there speculating me. I stared at the sidewalk, cursing myself for never wearing a jacket. My thoughts wandered, and a question presented itself to me. My brain will never stop amazing me on how persistent it gets.

"Aren't you cold?" It finally burst out of me, and I regretted asking right after. I must have sounded like a blasted pansy.

He laughed, long and almost evil. It was an amusing laugh, high pitched and low at the same time. "I don't get cold," he stated matter-of-factly, after the laughter subsided. At that moment, I couldn't place my feelings for this guy. I was afraid of him, sure, and part of me wanted to hate him. But there was another part of me that knew Sarah didn't call just anyone her big brother. There was a side to him, I could tell, that was interesting and hysterical. Besides, I could tell that he really did care about Sarah, in a brotherly way.

"Ever been out of Tulsa, Pony?" The question came out of nowhere, like he was trying to start an actual conversation.

"Yeah. My dad used to take me and my brothers hunting up in the country."

"That's tuff. What kind of gun did you use?"

I thought for a second. I had let myself forget about it, so the memories had been lying dormant. "It was a 20 gauge, I think."

"A 20 gauge? Tuff enough. I've never gone hunting."

"Oh." We sat in yet another silence. I was thinking it was time to go, but something kept me there. It was like an imaginary force was telling me to stay.

"Know much about God, Ponyboy?"

"A little. I've been to church a lot in my life. Not exactly every Sunday, but I'd go when I could."

"I see. I'm going to go ahead and tell you about God and relationships. You dig Sarah, don't lie and say you don't. I'll be honest; there are very few people in this town I'd trust with her. I've lived here a long time. Being in the middle class, I saw everything that went on without having to be in it. I know you're a greaser, and I know their reputations. But, you seem alright. But, just to be on the safe side, you're gonna sit here and listen to what I have to say. And, if I ever find out you've treated Sarah any less than she deserves, you'll have a lot to answer to. You dig?"

I gulped, "Yes."

"Alright, so, God and relationships..." He went on for a solid twenty minutes. I actually listened, and what he said was valid. He went over the creation of man and woman. He showed me in the gospel where Jesus said different things talking about how to treat your brothers and sisters in Christ. I was impressed with his knowledge, and actually didn't think he was asking too much.

The sun was almost below the horizon when I finally realized what time it was.

"Shoot! Darry'll beat the tar out of me if I'm late for supper again!" Justin gave me a look that seemed to be wondering what kind of brothers I had. I tried to calm down.

"Not literally. But I'll catch it for being late for supper. I do it too often."

The next thing he said was so strange and unexpected that I don't even believe it myself.

Looking as tough as he could, he asked, "Do you want me to give you a ride home?"

I was so shocked I swear my jaw dropped open. I didn't believe him. "No, I'll run. It's tuff."

He jingled his keys. "I'm heading your way anyway. Besides, I'm not going to be guilty of you getting beat. Let's go." I hesitated. "Now." I gave in. His tone was too commanding not to.

It wasn't a mustang or a corvette, but Justin's car was tuff. A red little Chevy with loud speakers and an engine that overheated now and again. I got in, and was glad to be getting a ride. I really hadn't felt like running all the way back. It was getting cold, and I was honestly kind of tired, though I would never have admitted it. When we got to my house, I thanked him and headed inside to a house full of the aromas of pizza from the little shop down town. Steve had ordered pizza. Sometimes I swear that's all he can do as far as food, order it, I mean. I took a deep breath, took off my shoes, and sat near Soda. Some people may have thought my house was too messy, or crazy, or poor. I didn't though. It was home to me, and I smiled in spite of myself

--I realized a few errors I had made as far as lining up with the events of last chapter, so I fixed them. This is the new and improved version of chapter 12--


	13. Chapter 13

_The way a friendship develops is like the seasons_

_It begins in the spring, when everything is new_

_As summer comes, you start to see the person_

_But it is still green, slowly changing to brown_

_As fall sets in, the beautiful colors come_

_That is when you see the person as they really are_

_The good about them, the reasons that you are friends_

_Then, the leaves fall and lose their color_

_Everything is dark and barren_

_This is when you see deep inside your friend_

_You see the anger, the pain, and even the cruelty_

_There is beauty in this, because then you learn they are human_

_After this, you know you are true friends_

_Because you have withstood all the seasons and stayed strong_

I had never enjoyed free-verse poetry until that Sunday afternoon, the day after talking to Justin. It just felt right. All the good friendships I could remember went that way. First, they seemed like a tuff person. As time wore on, you learned that they were tuff, but in a different way than you thought. Looking at the leaves remaining on the trees from our front step, I knew that the time in a friendship where you think the other one must be the best person alive was exactly like autumn.

Sarah and I were in the winter stage, in my mind. At least, getting there. She didn't know all my secrets yet. The secrets I couldn't bear to tell her, because I was afraid. Afraid of losing yet another person that I was close to.

I shut my notebook and shoved my deep thoughts aside. I walked inside. Soda was out cold on the couch. He still wasn't sleeping very good, despite the pain killers. He stirred when the screen door closed. I tiptoed to our room, hoping he would go back to sleep. When I returned to the living room, his eyes were open, but he wasn't really with it yet.

"Hey, Soda, how ya doing?" I walked over to the couch. He had worn himself out the day before, playing cards and laughing a lot.

"I'm okay. I sure am tired. What about you, kid? You've been awful quiet." He sounded exhausted as he talked.

I shot him a lopsided grin. "Ain't I always quiet?"

"No, not this quiet. What gives? Is it girl trouble?" Soda yawned, and his eyes slowly started to close again.

"You go back to sleep, Soda. We can talk later."

He mumbled his response and moved around a little more before conking out again. I covered him with an old army blanket from out great uncle. Even with stitches, he still looked like some Greek god that had come to earth. The stitches, in a way, added character, though gods never got hurt, so I guess it didn't really work, but it did for me. Anyway, he would get the stitches out soon. Then maybe things would return to normal.

I spent the rest of the afternoon letting worry overtake me. I hadn't seen Sarah since I showed her Johnny and Dallas's grave, and she sure had seemed upset then. Did she think I hated her? If she did, she couldn't have ever been more wrong. In fact, whatever was wrong with her only made me like her more, because it let me know she was in fact human, like me. I had had some doubts at times, wondering if she might be an angel instead of a human.

Sodapop was worrying me, too. I knew he would be fine eventually, but it just ain't tuff when Soda's down. He was always the lively, bouncing one in the house; making it his personal duty to be sure that everyone was having a good time. I was really missing Soda's craziness that afternoon. If there ever was a time in my life when I could use his antics, now would have been it. But he was hurt; crashed out on the couch with stitches and busted up ribs. I worked myself into a real frenzy, until I knew if I didn't get out of the house that instant, I would go absolutely crazy.

The clock read 5:47. I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do. Running crossed my mind, but for once I knew it wasn't going to help me. Darry would be getting home in a few minutes, so I knew if I didn't go right then, he's stop me and run through the checklist of things that I can't leave the house until I've done. I grabbed a pen and some loose paper and started writing.

_Darry,_

_I went on a walk to clear my head. Soda should still be asleep when you read this. My homework has been done since Friday night, so don't get all riled up. I don't know when I'll be back. Please don't worry. I know, my curfew is 11:00, so I won't go past that._

_-Ponyboy_

I knew he would still get mad when he read the note, but I didn't care. For once, I thought to grab a sweatshirt before heading out. The November weather had been finally getting me to remember.

The sun was already sinking behind the horizon when I stepped out into the brisk air. I wasn't sure where I wanted to go, so I just picked a direction and started walking. Whenever I came to an intersection, I either chose left or right. The cars and lights didn't faze me, or even catch my glance. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I sure was hurrying to get there.

Finally, something did catch my attention, right before I walked into it. "Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong..." the church bells almost made me jump out of my skin. Looking up, I saw where I had ended up. It was Sarah's church, and according to the bell, the teen service was just getting started. On an impulse, I grasped the handle to the back door and set my foot inside.

The church was warm, and it still had its Romanesque air. The service hadn't quite started yet. There were teens standing at every door handing out song sheets. I can't decide if it was luck or misfortune that put Jon Fretz at the back door that night. The moment I walked in he recognized me and grinned broadly.

"Hey, Ponyboy," he handed me a song sheet. "I haven't seen you here since that one time with Sarah Piatt. How's it going?"

"Yeah, I haven't been back since that time. It's going alright," I lied. "What about you?"

"Man, it's going awesome. I am so pumped you came. Tonight's gonna be great." His enthusiasm was almost catching, but I refrained from leaping for joy just then. I started to walk to the back pew, but Jon grabbed my shoulder. "Hey, stay here a minute. I'm almost done handing these out, and then you can sit with me and the guys up front."

"_Oh, joy," _I thought to myself. "That'll be great," I said out loud, fighting sarcasm. I wasn't even sure if I was going to stay for the whole service. Sitting up front meant I _had_ to, or it would look bad. And knowing this guy, he wouldn't let me get away with leaving right after.

I stood there for another two minutes (they seemed like two hours) feeling awkward. Finally, I followed Jon up to the very first pew, which bugged me even more. For the sake of looking tough in front of all the other guys, I just sat down and acted like it was cool. The opening song began, and the service got under way.

The first 15 minutes in, I wasn't really paying attention. Everything inside me was stewing, and I couldn't place how I felt. It was like I was too tired to be restless. I was just there. I just existed. After 15 minutes, I woke up a little and decided to discretely look around for Sarah. She wasn't anywhere in sight, but that didn't necessarily mean she wasn't there. When everyone stood for the gospel reading, I found myself listening to the scripture in spite of drifting thoughts.

I was amazed at the content of the reading. It was about Jesus and Peter walking on the water, and how Peter didn't have enough faith to stay standing. A wave of understanding passed between me and the man who had lived almost a millennium ago. He was weary and frightened, and even someone as strong and powerful as Jesus calling to him didn't strengthen him for long. We all sat down, and I began to listen intently to the sermon.

"So how is everybody tonight?" the priest began, "I hope you are all good, but I have a feeling that some of you are struggling tonight. Struggling with faith, or family issues, leadership, or maybe even just school. As we look at tonight's gospel, we see that Peter also struggled with many of these things..." He went on, and I was intoxicated with his completely understandable and relevant teaching.

The part that hit me square in the face was when he talked about when Peter started sinking.

"Peter was doing fine," he said, "until he took his eyes off of Jesus. When he did that, he started to _worry._" He accented the word "worry", and I knew then that this was intended for me. Don't ask me how I knew, I just did. I felt it in my bones, and my grandfather used to say. "Worry overcame him in an instant, and just like that, his world began sinking. A lot of us struggle with worry today. There is so much out there to do and learn that we are constantly letting our gaze drift from Jesus to the wind and the rain. The storm controlled Peter's emotions when he started sinking, not his faith.

"What you need to remember, though, is that it doesn't end there. Peter began to sink, yes, but then what did he do? He called out to his Savior, 'Lord, save me.' Just like that, Jesus reached out and grabbed him. All it takes is one cry of help, and the Lord will pull you out of your worry..." His words hit me square in the heart, and if I hadn't been sitting down, I knew I would have fallen. I was shaking to control the emotions that were raging inside of me. All my memories of church in the past came back to me. Any thought I had ever had, wondering about God and faith and love, all became clear. In that instant, I knew that everything was fine. For the first time in a long time, I prayed. The relief was immediate, and I knew I had found a place that I was home.

After church, I didn't need any coaxing to go downstairs to the thing afterwards. Jon introduced me to all his buddies, but their names went in one ear and out the other for me. I saw Matt, the kid Sarah had talked to the last time I had been there, and he and I talked for a little. Sarah wasn't there that night, which really disappointed me, but I tried not to let it bother me. I asked Matt if he knew why, but apparently he wouldn't know any more than I would, so I was left without an answer. As nice as everyone was there, it seemed like none of them really knew Sarah yet.

It wasn't until everything was over that I realized I would be walking home alone in the dark. Sure, I could remember a sweatshirt, but when it came to safety, did I stop to remember? No, of course not.

I felt someone come up to me as I stared at the doors, willing them to become my front one. "Hey, Ponyboy, what did you think of tonight?" Jon's voice made me jump, and I swiveled around to face him. He was taken aback by my jolt of surprise. "Whoa, chill out, kid, I ain't gonna do anything."

"I know. I'm sorry. Tonight was good." I kept it short and simple. Jon seemed tuff enough, but I still would never tell him about what I had felt that night.

"Yeah, Father Russ sure can give a good homily. That guy's awesome. I really wish you would come back more often. He's fun to get to know."

"I'll have to see," was all I replied. I wasn't sure if I would go back, despite my feeling of finally being home. "I'd better get going. School tomorrow," I headed towards the door.

"Pony," Jon called to my back. I turned.

"Yeah?"

"You got a ride home?"

"Nope, I'm walking." I turned back around and started to walk again.

"Well, will you wait a minute?" I sensed some impatience in his voice.

"What?"

"If you want to give me ten or so minutes to help tear down, I'll give you a lift." The offer was genuine, but I knew I was clear out of his way.

"I'll make it," I said confidently. "'Sides, I'm in the complete opposite direction. You've got to get home for school too, I reckon."

He set the broom he had picked up aside and got close enough to whisper. "Look, kid, I know you're a sophomore greaser. Some soc's can be cocky, but we ain't stupid. Do you think I wouldn't have offered if I knew you were a grease?" He paused and let me think. "I'm not like most soc's, Ponyboy. I do know what goes on, though. Some of my friends even have been known to beat up greasers. If I let you walk out those doors, there's a fifty percent chance of you getting followed and jumped. I want to give you a ride, so why don't you just make it easy for the both of us and say yes already?"

I didn't reply at first, partly because of shock, and partly because I had some hardness for a guy who didn't know what it was like to be a greaser. Sure, he was down to earth, but he still drove a pretty little mustang that he probably didn't have to spend a dime of his own money on.

As I stood there digesting all this, Jon calmly grabbed the broom and began sweeping.

"Thanks." It was all I said, but it was enough. He just nodded without a word, and I started stacking chairs.


	14. Chapter 14

Monday and Tuesday were those gross kinds of rainy days. I tried to ignore the weather and stay positive, which wasn't very hard, considering I had gotten to ride in a mustang all the way to the east side of town Sunday night. Man, the only other car I had even been in that was that tuff was Randy's. I hadn't even ridden in his, either, just sat in it. My interest in cars was developing rapidly, and riding in a couple of really tuff cars got me a little crazy.

When I caught sight of the brown flash in the halls on Monday, I ran towards it. Being incredibly crazy, I shot Sarah a grin and tried (unsuccessfully, of course) to cock an eyebrow.

"Hey!" I patted her on the back, "I haven't seen you all weekend. What's up?"

The reaction I was hoping for was immediate. Her face broke into a classic Sarah grin, and I knew I had finally done something right. "Hi, Pony! Nothing really is up, just spent the weekend doing random things and such."

"Tuff enough. How are you today?" I tried to ask it casually, but I was really wondering if she was still upset.

"I was a little stressed this morning, that is, until you made that crazy face."

"Crazy face?" I said indignantly. "Oh, you mean like this?" I repeated my eyebrow-cocking attempt.

"I swear, Ponyboy Curtis, you must be one of the craziest kids I know." She said, hardly containing her laughter.

"I'll take that as a compliment." I strode onward by her side until we came to the part in the hallway where I went left and she went right. "I'll see you later on, okay?"

"Sure, see you." With one last crazy look, we each went our directions. After that conversation, I knew everything was normal. The relief that I felt at that moment was long-awaited, and it felt great. I went through the rest of school grinning to myself, despite the crummy weather.

When I got home on Wednesday, I was surprised to find Soda lying on the couch. For the past couple of days, I had walked in the door to find him practicing hiding cards in various places for poker, or something crazy like that. He was getting restless, but Darry wouldn't dare let him go back to work until at least another week.

"Hey, Soda," I called, throwing my books on the coffee table and kicking off my shoes. When he didn't say anything, I walked over to him. "Soda?"

"Hi," he said, barely audibly.

"What's the matter? Are you okay?" concern was rising up in my voice.

"Yeah, I just have a headache."

"Well, stay there. I'll get you those pain meds, and it'll go away."

"No, don't. I'm too queasy."

"Okay." I said easily, though I was really worried. Worry was becoming a familiar feeling these past couple of weeks. The sermon on Sunday helped a little, but it didn't stop it.

I walked into the kitchen and started making some dinner for me and Darry. We had chicken, so I decided to cut the bones out of some of the really meaty parts and bake it with some seasonings. There was some chicken broth in the cupboard, so I decided to make Sodapop put _something_ into his stomach.

I carried a mug with the broth over to Soda. "Sit up, Sodapop. I want you to drink this." He just moaned his response. "Come on, please?" I prodded.

"No."

I set the mug down on the coffee table and gently sat on the edge of the couch. "Is it that bad that you won't sit up?" I kept my voice even so he wouldn't get mad.

"Yeah."

"Soda, how long has your head been hurting?" Like everything else that had happened within the past few weeks, this wasn't normal for Sodapop. He never got hurt, never was sick, and even if he was, he _never_ complained.

"Hmm, I don't know. All day…" he mumbled.

Glory! I had dealt with headaches before, but never all day, and not normally to the point of lying down and not wanting to get up. Darry would be home soon. He'd know what to do. I just had to stay calm until then.

"Try to go to sleep, bro. If you need anything, holler."

I tried to do my homework while I waited for Darry to come home. About diddly squat got done, because every few minutes I would look up from whatever I was doing, check the clock to see if Darry was coming home soon, and make sure Soda was alright. Then, I would lose my place and have to start over again.

The door latch clicked, and I jumped up from Darry's armchair.

"Darry! Something's wrong with Sodapop. He says his head hurts and he's queasy and I can't get him to eat anything. He's been like this all day. What do I do?" I was freaking out. All the worry and restlessness and excitement that had welled up inside me all came out.

"Whoa, take it easy, little buddy." Darry took off his coat and hung it up. "It'll be alright."

He made his way through the pile of books, clothes, cards, and other random mess on the floor over to the couch. He switched the light on and bent over Soda.

"Hey, Pepsi-cola, you alright?"

"Uhhnn," Soda threw his arm over his eyes to block out the light. I just stood there, arms akimbo, trying not to bite my nails.

"What hurts little buddy?"

"Everything," Soda croaked.

Darry felt Soda's forehead, then checked his ribs. He looked up at me with his normal, emotionless expression.

"Did you make dinner, Pony?"

"Yeah, it's in the oven staying warm."

"Good." He turned back to Soda and lowered his voice. "I'm gonna go eat dinner, kid. You just relax, and I'll be back to check on you. We'll be right in the next room, so yell if you need anything."

I grabbed some plates and served up the warm chicken. Darry and I didn't normally talk that much, and tonight was no different. We ate silently, cleared our places, and then Darry went to take care of Soda while I did the dishes.

When I was finished, I walked into the living room. Soda's head was in Darry's lap, and Darry was stroking it. They both looked at me when I walked into the room. Soda's eyes were wild-looking, almost frightened. I met Darry's gaze and silently pleaded for him to tell me everything was alright. It might have been Sodapop that was sick, but I felt like I needed to be held like that, too. Darry only gave me his expressionless look of ice cold, and then turned back to Soda.

"Feeling any better yet?" I asked Soda, breaking the silence that had been looming over the three of us.

He could only shake his head with a look of sheer pain on his face. "S'gettin worse," he finally managed. His whole body tensed up, and he moaned.

"Take it easy, little buddy, take it easy," Darry soothed. "Me and Pony ain't going anywhere. Shh."

I saw a few tears come from his tightly shut eyes. He finally relaxed all over, and I couldn't tell if he had fallen asleep or passed out. Looking to Darry for an answer, I tried to be as quiet as I could.

"Is he?" I whispered, not getting anything else out.

Darry nodded sagely. "The pain finally knocked him out. Help me get him into bed."

He lifted our brother off the couch, and I followed him to Soda's and my bedroom. We both made sure he was covered and comfortable before Darry walked out of the room. For some reason I didn't know, I decided to follow him.

"Darry?" I said to his back. He leaned against the wall and ran a hand through his short hair. "Darry, what's wrong?"

He managed a weak grin. "Nothing, kiddo. You should go to bed now. Come and get me if he wakes up."

"But Darry," I wasn't satisfied. "Do you think he's okay? I mean, well, shouldn't we get a doc or something?" I was nervous standing there in front of him, and I wasn't sure why.

A broad hand fell on my shoulder. "Ponyboy, it's okay." I didn't believe him. I shook my head, and my eyes started burning, which meant the tears might soon come. I felt like I was seven again, asking my dad if my dog was going to be okay. "Look at me, Pony." I looked up into Darry's icy eyes. "Soda's tough. He'll be alright. I know this has been pretty rough for you. We both worry about Sodapop a lot, but you have to believe me when I say he'll be okay." I couldn't look at him anymore. My eyes fell to my socks. There was a hole in the toe. Before I could stop myself, the floor blurred, and I felt the first hot tear roll down my face.

Darry didn't say anything at all. He just wrapped his arms around me in a tight, protective hug. It was then that I realized Darry and I were getting close. We were talking, helping, and comforting each other. For once, he wasn't tough old Darry who worked too hard and didn't give a rat's rear end about my feelings. He was my big, strong older brother, who would protect me from whatever he could. I could relate to him, in a way. I was secure right there in our hallway, just me and Darry.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I let go, and felt a wave of tiredness sweep over me.

"Goodnight, Darry," I yawned.

"Goodnight, kiddo. And Ponyboy…"

"Yeah?"

"Relax." He smirked. Darry smirked. I was taken aback, completely unaware that he owned that facial expression. Then I realized he was kidding, since we were always telling him he needed to relax.

I grinned, "Sure, Darry, sure."

"Morning," I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge to get some chocolate milk.

Darry set down the morning paper. "Hey," he sipped his coffee. We sat at the kitchen table quietly for a little while, me drinking my chocolate milk, Darry his coffee. He was reading the paper, and I was thinking. There was comfort in the normalcy of the morning, especially since the night before was anything but normal.

"So," I broke the silence. I wasn't really sure what to say or think or do. Soda hadn't gotten up at all the night before, and I was figuring one of us should be home in case he needed something.

"What's on your mind, kid?" Darry had read my expression.

"I was just thinking, well, if I should stay home from school today. You know, to make sure Sodapop isn't alone."

"No, you're going to school. I was planning on staying home this morning, just until he woke up. I have a few half-days to use up with work, anyhow." The way he said it seemed like he had already thought it through completely. When Darry makes a decision, it's best not to argue. I still try, but the results are never what I want.

"Okay. I'm gonna go get ready for school, then." Part of me was relieved to get out of the house. Any more excitement and I would probably have cracked.

I found an empty table in the cafeteria for lunch. Two-bit and Steve had gone to the convenience store, but I didn't feel like going. I also didn't really feel like talking to anyone, so I chose to lone it.

The alone-ness only lasted a few minutes. Sarah walked up and sat down at the table.

"Hey, Ponyboy, what are you doing all alone?"

I decided to keep the mood light by joking around. "They didn't tell you? I'm the school's official loner. It's my job to eat lunch alone once a month, just to keep up the reputation."

"Yeah, right," she rolled her eyes at me. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, how are you?" It rolled off my tongue easily, but I knew it was a lie.

"I'm alright today," she sighed. I wasn't really sure what to say, so I went back to eating my sandwich.

Sarah broke the silence. "Are you sure you're okay? You seem stressed."

I didn't want to lie to her again, but I didn't want to talk about Soda, either. "Yeah, I'm just a little stressed. It's nothing."

Her eyes said that they didn't believe me, but she dropped it. Instead, she brought up something that caught me totally off guard.

"Matt told me you were at church Sunday night." I couldn't detect what she was getting at in her voice.

"Yeah," I said suspiciously. "What about it?"

"Nothing. I just was a little surprised. I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"It's no big deal. Why were you surprised?" I didn't let her answer. "I may be a greaser, but I like church."

"I never thought you didn't."

I took a deep breath, knowing that my head wasn't clear, and I needed to be careful.

"You're not yourself today. Seriously, what's got you stressed?" There was concern in her voice. I looked up and met her big brown eyes with my green-ish gray ones.

"It's nothing. Soda just had a bad day yesterday, so I'm kind of worried. But it's nothing."

"Is he alright?"

I really hadn't wanted to get into this. "Yeah, he'll bounce back. How's Olivia doing?" I completely changed the subject, desperate to stop talking about Sodapop.

"She's doing good," I caught her half-smiling at the mention of her baby sister. "I've been trying to get her to crawl and stand up recently. We're not making huge progress, but it's fun."

"That's pretty tuff. I swear, she's a tough little girl." I felt some of the stress leave as we talked about Olivia. If there was any little kid that could make me grin, it was her. I normally wasn't very fond of kids, but this one was different.

"She sure is. Hey, you want to come over after school and see her? I'm sure with you there she'd be motivated to try harder."

"I'd like that just fine," I grinned in spite of myself. Sarah opened her mouth to say something, but the bell rang before she got it out.

"I've got to get to class. Meet me at the front doors when school is over."

"Okay."

We were pretty quiet on the way to Sarah's house. I had been able to clear my head a little bit during study hall by reading some more of The Iliad, so things weren't as tense as they were at lunch. She seemed to be in a pretty light mood, as well, which was great. Most of the leaves had fallen off the trees. They looked gray and barren. I noticed Sarah was looking at them the same way I was. Maybe she noticed it, too.

"Man, fall sure went fast. Not even a week ago these trees were half full of leaves," I commented dreamily.

"Yeah, it sure did." She seemed to only be half thinking about what she was saying, captivated by the look of the outdoors. "The trees almost look dead now, but I know that there is life under all the gray."

Dang, that girl was deep. She had just beaten my record of deep thinking, which had to be extremely deep. In a flash, I remembered Johnny and me reading gone with the wind. He got more out of it than I did, which was also surprising. Maybe, somehow, I was supposed to meet Sarah, so I could remember the good points of Johnny. Maybe I still had lots to learn from him, and she would help me. Or, maybe I was just crazy, and nothing had anything to do with anything else.

"Life under all the gray," I whispered under my breath, thinking.

"If you think about it, it's almost like people. Sometimes, they can be so cold, that you can't see they're human, but you just have to have faith that they really, truly are."

I though back to a year ago when I thought Darry couldn't possibly be human. I knew differently now. "You couldn't be more right," I breathed, the cold air penetrating my lungs.

We were less than a mile from her house. For some odd reason, a rush of adrenaline went through me.

"Race you," I drawled.

"You're on! Starting now!" She took off without another word. I stood there shocked for a second before bounding after her.

Of course, I could have beaten her. I didn't want to, though, so I planned it that we would get there at the same time. As we walked through the door into the warm house, panting, Justin caught sight of us. He cocked his eyebrow and shook his head. Then, he gave me a nod and headed out the door. I nodded back. After that talk, the two of us were cool.

"Mom, Pony and I are going to play with Olivia," Sarah shouted to her mother, who was in the kitchen.

"Hello, Ponyboy," Mrs. Piatt said hospitably. "Okay, Sarah. She's with Jake reading a book right now, so you'll have to talk to him."

"Come on," she said to me, "Jake will probably be up in his room."

I followed her up a steep flight of stairs to a hallway with random bedroom doors. She went to one in the middle. It was half-opened, so she knocked, then went straight in. Low and behold, there on the bed (which was somehow still visible, despite the absence of seeing the floor) sat Jake, and with him, Olivia. I hadn't really met Jake before. I had seen him a few times, but he was normally out playing with his friends. Now that I got a good look at him, I noticed that he and Sarah could almost pass as twins. He was about her height, and they had the same hair color. Their face, nose, mouth, and ears looked almost identical. The only thing that set them apart was the eyes. Hers were a deep, soft brown. His were a stormy gray-blue, almost like the lightening sky of dawn, before the sun has really risen.

He looked up as we entered.

"Hey, Jake, done with Olivia yet?" she bounced over to the bed through the sea of clothes.

"Yeah, almost. We just got one more page." They were reading Dr. Seuss's: _The Lorax. _I remembered reading it when I was little.

They finished, and the little girl seemed mesmerized with it. She kept looking at the last page, then urging it to turn, as if to ask, "Isn't there more?" I think she was enjoying the company of her big brother.

Jake closed the book and picked lifted Olivia off the bed. Walking over, he handed her to Sarah and headed down the steep stairs. She almost looked confused that she had been moved from her brother's comfortable lap into Sarah's arms. Then, she recognized me and grinned.

"Hey, kid," I ran my finger down her check. She let out a giggle and then did something unexpected. She reached for me, like she wanted me to hold her or something. I took a step back, so Olivia would know to stay in Sarah's arms, but she only leaned over and kept reaching.

"I think she wants to go to you," Sarah grinned.

"Naw, I don't think so. I mean, why would she want me?" But still, the little girl persisted, until Sarah got tired of shifting around so the baby didn't fall.

"Come on, Pony, just take her." She was using her joking around, yet coaxing voice, and I just gave in, because I was starting to like the idea of Olivia liking me.

"Alright, come on little girl," I grabbed her under the arms and put her on my hip like a natural. The truth was, I'd only held her that one time, but I'd seen Sarah do it so many times that I knew how it was done. "Where to?" I questioned.

Sarah laughed.

"What?"

"It's nothing. Just, I'm surprised how right it looks, you holding her, I mean. It doesn't look funny or anything. I think you've got a knack with kids."

"Me?" I was shocked. Laughing it off, I said, "No way. It's just Olivia." After thinking about it, I added, "She gave me a chance." I wasn't really sure what I meant. Part of it was that she hadn't minded when I didn't know how to hold her. Also, she liked me without knowing me. She just smiled at me and that was enough.

Sarah gave me a doubtful look. "Let's head downstairs to the living room. We can sit on the carpet in there."

I followed her down the stairs and to her location of choice.

"So, what can she show me?" I asked after we were all situated on the cozy carpet of their homely living room.

"Well," Sarah took Olivia from my lap and set her on the floor between us. "We've been working on crawling…"

The three of us spent the whole afternoon play around and trying new things with Olivia. Man, that girl would tolerate pretty much anything. She half-crawled, half-dragged herself a little bit across the floor, and would take steps if we held her up in a standing position. I was genuinely having fun, and for a little bit I was able to forget the things I had been worrying about.

Finally, I realized it was time for me to get going. Darry would be home in less than an hour, and Steve would only be able to stay still for so long before getting wild and doing something crazy. Besides, I hadn't seen Soda yet that day, and I was wondering how he was.

"Bye guys," I called as I headed out into the brisk air. It was cold, and once again, I was only wearing a t-shirt. I began my long walk home, thinking to myself about different odd things, feeling almost light-hearted. Things were starting to look up. Or so I thought.


	15. Chapter 15

"I'm home!" I called as I entered our warm little house on the east side.

"Hiya, Pony!" Two-bit was on the floor, along with Soda and Steve. They were all playing poker, as usual. Steve nodded to me, as if to acknowledge my presence.

I walked over and sat down onto our old couch. "How have you been, Soda?"

"Fine," he said, not bothering to look up from his hand. I pretended to be satisfied with that answer and took my books into the bedroom. It was Darry's night to make supper, so I was off the hook, except for homework. Sighing, I laid across my bed, and before I knew it I had fallen asleep.

Friday was smooth sailing, and the weekend lived up to most expectations and stereotypes of being fun and relaxing. I hung out with Sarah, played cards with the boys, and even got some running in. Sunday night, I went to church with Sarah again and really enjoyed myself. By Monday, I felt like you should after a good weekend: on top of the world.

The only thing that was less than fun that weekend was when we went to get Soda's stitches out. It was just me and Soda, because Darry had work, and there was no way we were taking Two-bit or Steve. The doc said that his head had healed fine. He also took a look at his ribs, and didn't have anything bad to say about them, either. I was able to let out a sigh of relief, knowing that everything could return to semi-normal now.

Monday morning was one of those bright, November days, where there isn't a cloud in the sky and the sun seems like its bursting to shine. I went to school, Darry and Soda went to work, and everything felt right for once. I had plans to stop home after school (with Sarah), then head to some unknown destination around town.

When Sarah and I got to my house that afternoon, it was empty, as expected. I was considering waiting for Soda to get home before heading out, but Sarah had the bright idea of just walking to DX to see him. I swear she's a brainiac. Sometimes, I don't use my head, but she did, so it worked out pretty well.

"Hey Soda!" I called cheerfully into the garage.

"Well lookee here," he gave us a crooked Soda grin, "How're y'all doing on this fine day?"

"Just fine, Sodapop," Sarah decided to play along with his joking around. "And how are you? Enjoying your work?"

"Don't I always?" Soda laughed to himself and wiped his hands on a rag. "Y'all want some Pepsi? It's just about time for my break."

Of course, I jumped all over the Pepsi, and after a little coaxing, Sarah had some too. It was the perfect kind of day to sit at DX with a bottle of Pepsi and watch the crowds. School had let out an hour ago, so the station was getting busy, full of kids who needed a tune up, or gas, or just wanted to see some action. Of course, the girls were all over Soda. You'd think by the way that they were hanging all over him that they had gone into Soda with drawl in the time he hadn't worked. I just smirked at it and joked around with Sarah.

After a little while, we got bored and decided to take a walk. It was around 4:15, so we still had some time before the sun set. We weren't sure where to go, but as we plodded along an idea came to me.

"Uh, hey, Sarah," I wasn't sure if she'd say yes.

"What? Spit it out."

"Do you think, well…would you mind if we stopped to see Johnny and Dally?"

I couldn't read her face at all. I wasn't sure if she was sad, or had pity, or didn't want to, or if she was okay with it.

"Okay," she said in a laid back fashion. "I think we're headed the right direction, right?"

"No, left." I stated solemnly, hoping she'd get it.

It took her a second, then she hit my arm playfully. "That was probably the corniest you've gotten so far, Ponyboy Curtis."

"You mean I broke my record?" I tried to sound awestruck.

"I believe you just did."

"Tuff!" I took off down the street, with Sarah running behind, laughing and trying to catch up. After a minute I slowed down and let her commence to walking and talking. We were silent for a little while before she broke it.

"So, why do you want to go see Johnny and Dallas again?" She sounded casual.

I thought a real long time before answering. "Well, I don't know. I guess, it's just, glory, Johnny would have thought you were really tuff. He was a great kid, the best one I know, besides Sodapop. You remind me of him, in an odd way. Though, Johnnycake never smiled much, or laughed. But I think if he'd have grown up like you, he woulda been bolder. I dunno…" I trailed off, knowing I was getting pretty deep.

"You don't know what?" I had her full attention. The big brown eyes were staring straight at me, looking right through my tough appearance. For some reason, though, I didn't mind. I liked the fact that she saw past the act. Not many people did.

I took my time answering her, thinking it through. "I don't know why you remind me of Johnny." That was a bold-faced lie. I knew exactly why she did, but I wasn't going to say a dang thing about it. I might have been the deep one, but getting it out was becoming harder and harder since Johnny's death.

"Yeah you do," she stated simply. That was all that needed to be said. I didn't have to say anymore, because she saw right through me and understood, somehow. That was how she reminded me of Johnny. He knew exactly what I was thinking, most of the time.

When we reached the graveyard, the pace of our walk slowed drastically. It was like we were entering a forbidden, solemn place, and we were afraid of getting caught. No one ever raked that grave yard, so the leaves were crunching with every step. Finally, the graves we had come to see were a few feet away, looking just as barren as ever.

I knelt and began clearing the leaves from around the base of Johnny's grave. It was a weird thought, Johnny's grave. I had never imagined someone in the gang dying. Then two did in the same night. It's ironic how you can be completely proved wrong in one night. Johnny's bones were under me, but I knew that he wasn't there. He had died, and he wasn't coming back.

Sarah sighed and sat back when we had finished brushing away the fallen leaves.

"He meant a lot to you, didn't he?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah," I couldn't think of anything better to say. There was a pause, and then she asked another question.

"What was he like?"

I was kind of taken aback at this. Not that much, because Sarah was bold, but still taken aback. I racked my mind for good memories or descriptions or something to answer the question with.

"Johnny, I don't know. He was a tuff grease. A real great guy, too." I thought hard, trying to find the words to describe my best friend.

"But, what was he _really_ like. Was he as deep as you? You said that he didn't laugh much."

Golly, this girl could really ask a lot of questions. I didn't mind all that much, because I hadn't tried to remember Johnny in a long time, and it felt good, in a way.

"Well… The best way to describe Johnnycake is like this: One night, he, Dally and I went to the nightly double. We sat in the stands, right behind these two high-class soc girls. Dally, he was a hood. He, well…" I didn't want to scare her with all the stuff Dally would do. Dally would have scared the heck out of her if he was still alive. "Dally would have scared you. He was tough as nails, and if he smiled, it wasn't a good thing. I respected Dal, because I had to. Well, Dally started messing with the girls in front of us. He ended up buying them cokes and getting the one girl so mad she threw it in his face. Then Johnny out of no where spoke up and said to leave her alone. It was completely out of character for him, because Dally was his idol. Besides that, Johnny never, and I mean _never_, told anyone what to do. I'm not even sure why he did that night. It was a different night for all of us…" I stopped, remembering. That night started it all. I didn't want to remember it at all.

"But anyway, Johnny was a good guy like that. He and I would sometimes sit in the lot and watch stars. He had a pretty bad home. Parents beat him, dad was a drunk. But he belonged in the gang. He was like our brother."

"Wow," she was deep in thought, contemplating.

We both sat there for a while, thinking to ourselves. A could hear the wind rustling the leaves as I traced the letters on the graves over and over again.

"Hey, Pony?" I was startled out of my thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"Um, well, I was wondering... How did they die?" I winced inside when she asked. I knew I couldn't tell her it all yet, but I also couldn't lie to her.

I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't think up what to say. There was a way to avoid telling her the whole story, but something inside of me didn't want to. My mind blanked. I couldn't think or remember anything. Then one thought penetrated the fog: the look on Johnny's face in that burning church. It was the one time he wasn't scared. I had been terrified, coughing and wheezing and worrying. But not Johnny. He was firm. He was tough. He was gallant.

"Gallant," I whispered to myself.

"What?"

Everything came back into focus then. The graves were in front of me, and I was sitting on the damp leaves. The question returned. I knew I couldn't answer her. I couldn't ever tell anyone about how they died. About the rumble and the running and seeing Johnny die, trying to get home but wandering aimlessly because I was so sick, and then Dally calling, I was unable to run straight, think straight. Dally dying, then passing out. All those memories could never be uttered to another human being. It was my pain, my burden. And no one could ever know.

"Uh, we'd better head back." I had noticed the sunk sinking below the trees. It gave me an excuse.

"Okay," she looked kind of confused.

"It'll be dark soon," I nodded in the sunset's direction, as if to explain my haste.

"You're right," she stood up and brushed herself off. I did the same after running my fingers over the letters on the headstone one more time.

We walked out of the graveyard and hurried back, leaving each other when we came to her street. I waved half-consciously, and then started my trek home.

I got home to exactly what I expected: Soda was cooking dinner, Steve and Two-bit were watching TV and Darry was in his armchair reading. They all nodded their hellos as I entered, then went back to what they were doing.

I headed for the kitchen and sat down at the table while Soda was taking something out of the oven. The table was hard and cold, but I put my head down on it anyway. Soda's cooking smelled pretty good, though I couldn't place what it was. It smelled sort of like meat loaf, with a different spice in it or something. Whatever it was, it was making my stomach growl.

"Hey!" a cheery Soda piped when he noticed me in the kitchen. "It's my baby brother, finally home! Where've you been, Pony?"

I couldn't help but let out a grin at his craziness. I loved Sodapop a whole lot, especially because he could always make people smile.

"Hi Soda."

He grabbed a chair and sat on it backwards, facing me. "What's going on, kid? You seem beat."

"Aw, nothing really, just thinking again. I'm a little tired, but not really beat."

"Okay. You watch out. If you keep thinkin' all the time your head'll explode." He flashed me a crazy grin, but then his face changed to a more serious look. "Seriously, though, what were you thinkin' about? You just walked in the door and you didn't seem like yourself. What gives?"

I knew if there was one person I could talk to about this, it would be Soda, so I spilled my guts to him.

"Sarah and me went to Johnny and Dally's grave's today. She asked me how they died." I looked up at Soda before lowering my eyes to my hands on the table and continuing. "Soda, I just couldn't tell her. She'd have to know the whole story to understand, and I can't tell the whole story. Heck, I can't even say how they died. It's been a year, Sodapop, why haven't I moved on?"

"Hey, now, come on, kid. Give yourself a break. You went through a lot last year. We all did. I'd say you've done as fine a job as you can moving on. Guys like Johnny and Dally don't come around every day. I still think about them a lot too." His tone had softened so the others couldn't hear.

"You do?"

"Heck yeah. All the time I wasn't able to work 'cause of my ribs all I could do what think about them. Do you know how many times Dally cracked his ribs fighting? And Johnny, man, that kid would have jumped out of his skin if he saw how those socs beat me up. I bet everyone thinks about 'em." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, and then got up from his chair.

"Y'all want dinner or what?" he called to the people hanging out in the living room.

They all answered by getting up and rushing to the kitchen before I could bat an eye. Soda gave me one of his classic looks, then sat down for dinner.

"Pony, wake up!" Somebody was shaking me, but I didn't know who it was. I didn't want to open my eyes or wake up. My body was telling me that it was exhausted, and I needed to go back to sleep, but whoever it was wouldn't quit.

"Alright!" I growled, "Quit shaking me. What gives?"

"You were having a bad dream, kid. Are you alright?" As I slowly opened my eyes I dimly saw Soda standing over my bed with a worried expression.

"Yeah," I closed my eyes again to try to go back to sleep, but I didn't hear Soda move or get back into bed. After a minute, I re-opened my eyes.

"What, Sodapop?" I asked irritably. I really didn't mean to come across as snippy as I did, but I really hadn't wanted to wake up. Whatever dream I had been having left my memory when Soda started to shake me, so all I wanted to do was sleep.

"Take it easy, Pony, I just wanted to see what was wrong. Your thrashin' around was gonna wake up Darry." He sounded a little hurt, and frankly, I didn't really blame him. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes and slowly sat up. Sodapop had walked back over to his bed and sat down.

"Look, I'm sorry..." I was so tired I didn't have the energy to think up a good apology.

"S'alright. Just go back to sleep." He crawled into bed and was starting to pull the covers on, stopping to rub his forehead.

"Are _you_ alright?" The tiredness was still there, but I was awake enough to care.

"Yeah," he rolled over with his back facing me

Shrugging, I lay back down and tried to fall back to sleep. Sleep wouldn't come, though. I tossed and turned for maybe a half hour before getting up out of bed. It was 3:45 a.m. The house was so quiet, it was almost scary. I was used to the constant noise of the television, radio, and random people always in the house. I didn't know why I had gotten up. My bed had just gotten so uncomfortable that I had to move. The couch looked pretty inviting, and was relieved that no one had crashed there that night.

I dozed off a little bit, but was startled back to reality when I heard footsteps in the hall. Soda appeared in the doorway, then made his way over to the couch.

"What are you doing up?" I asked groggily.

He gave me one of his looks. "You know, I could ask you the same question."

I didn't have any comeback for that one, so I just nodded slightly and scooted over so he could sit down. We sat there for a long time before dropping off. He told me he had a headache. I told him I couldn't sleep. That was about all the talking that went on. When we woke up in the morning, I found an army blanket covering both of us. Good old Darry must have seen us.

---I know! This took really long! I'm slacking on finishing my chapters! Then I'll get an idea and add it to the chapter I'm working on, leave it before I finish it, and yeah. Alright, so here's chapter 15, deal with the lateness. It's long, anyhow. The next chapters to come will probably surprise most of you, because unless you're smart, there aren't many hints as to what comes next. I've been enjoying your reviews immensely! Seriously, y'all are really cool. I swore to myself I wouldn't do shout outs, but I just want to thank a few of you: Lintucuiel- you've reviewed almost every chapter and had something good to say every time. It's awesome, thanks.

Sodapop02- Wow, that's awesome about your sister. I got the idea for Olivia from my mom, partly, because she's a PT and works with handicapped children a lot. Sometimes I go with her to clients, or help her out if the kids come here. I absolutely adore most of those kids, and at the moment, my family is praying about adopting a child with special needs. (Well, okay, my mom, sister, and I are praying about it. My dad's uneasy, and my little bros aren't keen on it.) But yeah, I have a soft spot for special needs kids. Your little sister's in my prayers.


	16. Chapter 16

I groggily pushed open the door of the biology lab. Ah, Tuesday biology. These classes were always different from the rest of the week, because we got to dissect something, or look under a microscope, or something of that sort. I wasn't very keen on science, but I didn't hate it. The hands-on stuff always caught my interest. I vaguely wondered what today might bring.

"PHWEEET!" Mr. Fredricks whistled his shrill class starter, and everyone took their seats. "Hello class," he began in one of his monotonous droning voices. I knew then it would be a long class.

Sarah was quiet that day. Normally we would talk after biology for a minute before running to our next classes, but today she didn't say much, and bustled in her own direction faster than normal. I noted it as odd, but didn't think much of it besides that. Some days she was just worn out or whatever. I knew she'd perk back up in the next few days. Or, at least, that was how it normally worked.

I spent lunch going down to the convenience store with Two-bit and Steve. We grabbed candy bars and I grabbed a Pepsi, then we took them outside to sit on Two-bit's bumper. Steve lit up a weed, and Two-bit followed suit.

"Smoke?" Two-bit offered me his pack of camels.

"Naw," I wasn't really in the mood for a smoke.

"Why ain't you smokin' anymore, kid?" Steve actually addressed me as existing. I was shocked.

"I gotta keep up my speed in track," I stated simply. It was part truth. The other part was that weed no longer calmed me down, or had any flavor. And, since there were only other greasers around, I didn't have to worry about looking tuff. (The reputation I got when Johnny killed the soc hadn't worn off.)

They both just grunted and dragged on their cigarettes. Those guys never really gave a care if someone was smoking or not. I really liked hanging out with them sometimes, because Two-bit always had a good joke, and as long as you were a greaser they didn't care who you were. They'd just joke around and make smart alec remarks about a police officer that was sitting across the street or something random like that. Today, the fuzz _was_ the topic.

"...So they dragged me downtown and said, 'You disturbing the peace again, Mr. Matthews?' So I was like, 'No way, Mr. Officer, sir, that was my twin, Keith.' When I said that, he just kind of gave me a funny look and let me leave. You gotta love officers. Listen here, kid. You ever get dragged in, confuse the heck out of them officers, and they'll get fed up and let you off..." Two-bit was relaying one of his many times getting brought to the station for some venial crime or another. I had to laugh at him, because he was so proud of confusing the cops. It was one step closer to being proud of his record, which wasn't as long as Dally's, but Two-bit had plenty of time to make that up.

After school the next day, for some odd reason, Soda took out our old football and started throwing it around with Steve. Of course, we all jumped right in and tackled them to the ground, starting an impromptu game of backyard, no rules football. There were no boundary lines except for the normal touchdowns, and no penalties for holding, grabbing, or fighting (which we always did anyway, so it didn't make a difference). The best play of that day was when Sodapop did a back flip and landed right in front of Two-bit, who at that time had the ball. He tackled him to the ground, grabbed the ball, and ran for a touchdown. It counted, so we called the game even and ran inside to raid the kitchen.

Darry walked in the door to find us drinking chocolate milk and watching TV. He said his hellos, and then gave me a look that said, _"Get your butt in that kitchen and make dinner." _

No one ever can argue with that look, so I made some macaroni and meatballs with bread. Steve stayed for dinner, but Two-bit said something about taking a blond out and left. As it turned out, Steve had had a fuss with his dad that morning and slept on our couch that night. I did my homework, and then went straight to bed, because I was dead tired, and Soda was mumbling to shut the light off.

"Hey!" I finally found Sarah in the bustling halls after second period. She was staring at her feet and looked up when I greeted her.

"Oh, hi Pony," she was less than enthusiastic, and returned to looking at her feet.

I ignored the lack of enthusiasm. "What's going on?"

"Nothing really."

She was avoiding conversation, which I didn't exactly like. Fighting off taking it the wrong way, I turned my thoughts to wondering if something was wrong.

"Are you alright?" I stopped her in the crowded hallway and made her look me in the eye.

"Yeah, I'm just kind of out of it today, sorry. I need to get to class. See you around." I didn't stop her, but I wanted to. I knew she'd never be good at poker, because she was so bad at lying. Even though I was sure she wasn't alright, I just had to shrug and hurry to my history class.

I didn't run into her again until the end of the day on Friday. She looked worn out, but brightened a little when she saw me.

"Hey you," she managed a half smile.

"Howdy," I tipped an imaginary hat and nodded. "How're you today?"

"I'm fine, you?"

"Pretty good, I guess. What are you up to this weekend? The guys were talking about playing some football, and I was thinking maybe you'd want to play. We need another player to make even teams with Darry there."

Her face dropped a little. "Sorry, I can't. My family's going up to some Indian reservation to spend some 'quality time'." She didn't sound very happy. I thought it sounded great, though. We used to do that when Mom and Dad were still alive. All of us would pile into the old pickup, the three of us boys in the back and Mom and Dad up front. After an hour or so of driving, we'd get out and take a hike, or look at old Indian mounds, or something fun like that. Those were some of the best times with my parents that I could remember.

"That's alright. When do you guys get back?"

"Late Sunday night."

I caught sight of Steve, and he was giving me a nod that said, _"Come on, or you won't get a ride home."_

"Hey, I gotta go."

"Okay," she said.

"Have a good weekend, I'll see you Monday. And Sarah..." I paused.

"What?"

"Remember to laugh a little." With that I tried to pull a Soda look, and headed off to an impatient Steve. I couldn't see her, but I knew she was at least grinning.

I was almost to Steve when Matt bumped into me.

"Hey, Ponyboy," he sounded cheerful.

"How's it going?" I nodded to him.

"Good, good. I just wanted to see if you're coming to church on Sunday."

Blast, I knew he was going to ask that. The truth was, I wanted to, but I had no way to get there, and I was pretty sure the boys would laugh if I asked for a ride to church.

"I don't know yet." I said honestly.

He looked a little disappointed. "Okay. Well, if you need a ride home or something, just let me know. See you around." He walked off towards a group of guys, some of whom I knew from classes I had. Steve was getting more impatient with every passing second, so I had to sprint as he headed for the doors because I didn't want to walk home. That wouldn't go over well with Darry, who was expecting me to go home with Steve.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I arrived at her locker right after the bell rang, hoping to get there before she did. My plan worked, and I saw her walking down the hall after standing there for less than a minute, trying to avoid getting in people's way.

"Hi, how was your weekend?"

"It was alright, I guess. The boys really liked it, and I got some time to hang out with Brie, so it wasn't bad." Sarah still sounded down, and that concerned me. I didn't want her to feel, think, or act sad. I knew what sadness was like, and no one should have to feel it. "How was yours?"

"Mine? It wasn't bad. I just hung out and stuff. We never got around to football, but it was fine." I said casually, not wanting to stay on the topic of my weekend when I wanted to know what was wrong.

"You seem down," I stated frankly. "What gives?"

There was a sigh before the answer came. "I've just been, I don't know, stressed, I guess. This is how I drive my family crazy. They never know what kind of mood I'm going to be in, and they hate it. I'm probably driving you crazy now, aren't I?"

"No... no," I was whispering now, though I didn't know why. "Not at all." I didn't know what else to say. It kind of bugged me that she thought she could ever drive me crazy.

"You need to take a break and have some fun," I said in an animated way. "Come on, we should go to the park and swing, or something like that to de-stress you."

I saw her face sink to an all time low. "No, I can't. I have to baby-sit Olivia while no one's home."

"Oh. Well, then tomorrow. We can do something tomorrow."

"Okay," I didn't like it when she was like this. "But I have to go now, anyway. Mom is leaving as soon as I get home. I'll see ya.

"Alright, bye," I stood there for a minute, watching her leave before going back to my locker to get my things.

It was Darry's night to make dinner, so when I got home, I did homework until Soda and Steve walked in. Then they made me play poker-style Mao, which I lost horribly at. Finally, I figured out some of it, but by that time dinner was ready, so we had to stop.

Later that night I was doing some reading for Language Arts when I thought I vaguely heard sirens. That wasn't uncommon in this town, especially at night. I shrugged it off, knowing that some delinquent was being chased, and probably would get hauled in, just like every night.

Sarah wasn't in biology the next morning, which really worried me. She hadn't missed a class yet, so I knew something was wrong. I bumped into Brie in the cafeteria at lunch, and asked her what was going on. The answer I got was something that I never saw coming.

"Sarah stayed home today." I could tell she was trying to be casual, but something was up.

"Oh, why? Is she alright?"

"Yeah, she's alright."

"Then what's going on?" I wasn't normally a pushy person, but I knew Brie pretty well from track, and the times I'd hang out with Sarah, so I felt more comfortable.

"Olivia had a seizure last night while Sarah was watching her. It was a bad one."

My heart leaped into my throat. "Olivia's okay, right?" I could feel my head start spinning, willing her to be alright.

"We don't know, yet. She's in the babies ICU right now, and they're not sure if she had any brain damage from it. The doctors said that there was a good chance that she'll be fine, but they can't be sure. Sarah was really shaken up. That's why she stayed home. She was up all night at the hospital, waiting to hear from the doctors."

"Man," the word barely escaped through my clenched teeth. I tried to clear my head, so I would seem calmer than I was. "Are you alright, Brie?" I asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little shaken, you know? I could have stayed home, too, but I had to get out. All of us are worried, but the best way for me to deal is do the normal stuff."

"Well, is there anything I can do for you guys? Us boys can cook, though most people won't believe it."

"I think we're pretty set, but thanks for the offer."

"Kay, well, can I go see Liv in the hospital?"

"Um, I don't think non-family members are allowed in the babies ICU, but she should be home in a few days, and you might be able to come then. Sorry."

"Oh, it's alright..." There was an awkward silence for a minute. "I should be going," I finally said. "Will Sarah be home when school lets out?"

"I'm not really sure. You should probably call and see."

"Okay. I'll see you around. I hope Olivia's okay."

"Me too," she was really sincere. "See you later, Ponyboy."

I found the nearest empty table and sat down, cursing under my breath. I couldn't believe it all, yet I knew it was true. The way I felt was like the day I found out my parents died, only on a smaller scale. I cursed the fact that I had let myself become attached to someone again. I cursed the fact that Olivia was in the hospital, maybe fighting for her life. I cursed how Sarah had to be the one home when it happened. Finally, I cursed myself for not being able to do anything about it. My normally clean mouth was coming out with the most unprintable words I had ever said. When I ran out of those, I took the Two-bit approach, and started making up my own words. That's all they were, though, words; blasted words that couldn't do a dang thing about the situation. I stopped cursing and just sat at the table until the bell yelled at me to get going to class. I hadn't eaten lunch, but I didn't care. I wasn't hungry.

Instead of taking my time by walking home leisurely, I made Two-bit let me drive his car home. He was in the car, of course, so it was more legal. I didn't technically have my permit yet, but Soda had showed me a few things in the ford, so I knew what I was doing. The car, like our truck, was a manual, so I didn't have any trouble. Two-bit laughed the whole way, because like I said before, I'm not pushy. I'm not a law-breaker, either, for that matter. But today was different. I felt like I had to be in control of something, even if it was just a car for a few minutes. For those minutes, I had control, and I cooled off. When my senses slowly returned, I begged God first not to let any of the fuzz see me, and second that Olivia was okay.

Luckily, both of us made it home in one piece, except for Two-bit's side cramping up from laughing at me so hard. I ignored it and walked up the front steps to the door. The house was empty, but I knew it wouldn't stay that way for long. I tried to dawdle a little so Two-bit didn't figure out that I had rushed home so I could make a phone call. As it were, he turned on the TV as soon as we walked in and got absorbed in some inane program. I hated television.

The phone rang three times before someone hastily answered on the other end.

"Hello?" The voice sounded like it belonged to a kid younger than me. I assumed it was Jake or Stephen.

"Uh, hi, is Sarah there?" I wasn't used to making calls. There was a pause on the other end.

"She's not here. Who's calling, please?"

"Oh, this is Ponyboy Curtis."

"Well, can I take a message?" He sounded a little annoyed. By then I had figured it was Jake, and not Stephen, because a 6 year old doesn't say please when they ask who's calling.

"No, it's alright. Thanks, Jake."

"No problem. Bye."

Blast! I had missed her. She probably had gone to the hospital, and I couldn't be sure when she'd get home, or even if she'd be at school tomorrow. This whole situation was grating on my already raw nerves. I sure wished Soda would get home soon, because he always had something to say that would make me grin.

-- Alright, when I said thank you to a few of my reviewers, I left out one that I really feel needs a Thank you. Loree: You're almost always the first to review, and you review almost everyt chapter! I really really appreciate it. I'm surprised at how many people like my writing. I personally think it could be a whole lot better, and I could get way more original, but I'm a hopeless romantic, and I really like raw, bent emotions and drama. I dunno why. Anywho, this story is coming to a close soon. Then look for my next story, because I have some pretty fun plans.


	17. Chapter 17

Headaches. The worst thing in the world is to wake up after a restless night's sleep with a killer headache. That's what I did the next morning. Soda had to roll me out of bed and force me to get moving so I wasn't late. I didn't say anything about my head because I knew why it hurt and I knew there was nothing I could do. Besides, tough greasers don't get headaches.

School was a drag. I tried to avoid people and look for Sarah at the same time. Trust me, it wasn't easy. I finally just gave up on everything and shut off my thinking. Everything was foggy anyway, because my head wouldn't quit pounding. After lunch I thought I saw a familiar flash of brown, but if it was her, she was avoiding me, so it didn't matter. Feeling miserable, I flopped onto the couch when I got home face-first, and wished when I got up that everything would be over.

"Pony?" Someone was calling me. "Pony, come on kid, get up."

I groggily forced open my eyes. Instant pain shot through my entire head and down my neck. This stress stuff wasn't fun, especially when it caused these blasted headaches. Soda was in the room looking like he felt just as bad as I did.

"Hey, Soda," I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and got up. As soon as there was space he collapsed next to me. "Rough day?"

"Boy howdy, yeah. Lots of cars needed worked on, and the girls wouldn't leave me alone even when I stopped talking to them. Then Steve accidentally punched me in the ribs, messing around. Man, could I ever use some chocolate milk."

"Hmm," I sighed, not sure what to say.

"Hey, did the mail come in yet?" Soda's feet were bare, like always, and I knew then he was absolutely fine because his daily routine hadn't been altered.

"Yeah, it's on the counter." I rubbed my temples subconsciously, and then tried to think up something for dinner. I felt groggy and out of it, but I still knew that it was my night to cook, and unless you're half-dead, in this house you don't get out of cooking.

The room spun a little when I stood up, and I grabbed the armrest of the couch to steady myself. Shaking the dizziness off, I headed for the kitchen to hunt for food. Darry needed to go shopping, so there wasn't much to choose from. One week old frozen hamburgers and micro waved potatoes was the best I could do. It wasn't the greatest meal, but it was food, and it was better than starving. Though, I wasn't hungry, so going without dinner didn't sound horrible. I swallowed some aspirin when everything was cooking, hoping to get rid of my headache. With any luck, it would stop pounding in my ears, and I could think straight enough to call Sarah, and then get some real sleep.

Soda was ravenous that night at dinner. He ate both his burgers in 4 minutes flat, then my second one when I forfeited it to him. Even after three hamburgers and two potatoes, he still raided the ice box an hour later for something to eat. I barely finished a half of a potato. My first hamburger was hard enough to finish, and Darry ended up eating the last quarter of it that I couldn't manage to swallow. Both my brothers asked me if something was wrong, but I told them I was fine. Lying isn't the best thing to have a talent for, but I did, and I used it.

When the dishes were washed and my homework finished, I collapsed on my bed, my head throbbing in a rhythmic motion. Soda came in a little while later, blinding me by turning on the light. I cussed under my breath. He ignored my words and got ready for bed in his normal fashion. Instead of climbing into his bed when the lights were out, I heard him walk over to mine. Without a word, he pulled back the blanket, shoved me over, and climbed in. Soda always knew what I needed.

"You know, Pony, you're a tough kid. But even the toughest grease in the world hurts every now and again. I like to think that if you can't be honest to yourself and your brothers in your own house, then you can't be honest anywhere... You dig?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, only half listening.

He propped himself up on one elbow. "Then why aren't you looking at me and telling me what's wrong?"

"Go to sleep, Sodapop. I'm tired."

"Well I ain't." Right then I wanted to roll over and smack him so hard he'd forget what he was saying. I didn't, though, because I knew that number one, I couldn't, and number two, it would kill my head to try. Soda stopped trying to lure it out of me with sarcasm. After a while he said, "It's about a girl, isn't it?"

"So what if it is?" My head thumped extra hard with every word. "Look, Soda, I'm dizzy and exhausted and my head is killing me. I'll tell you it all later. Just please lay off." I was begging, and it wasn't my way, but everything was spinning, and I was afraid I'd puke if he didn't let up.

"Okay," his voice eased up. "Okay." He lied back down and threw his arm across me. Everything pounded in my ears for hours and hours. I figured Soda would fall asleep eventually, but his breathing never got lighter, and his body never completely relaxed.

There was silence. I tried to shake the fuzzy feeling from my head and open my eyes, but part of me was still dozing. Finally, enough of me came back to reality. There was no pounding in my ears. The alarm clock said it was 3:30. I listened intently for a few minutes, but Soda's breathing wasn't light.

"Soda?"

"Hmm?" He tried to sound like he was just waking up, but I knew he hadn't been sleeping.

"Why aren't you asleep?"

"Why aren't you?"

I wasn't sure how to answer at first. "Because, I couldn't fall asleep."

He rolled over on to his side. "That's why I wasn't sleeping."

I knitted my eyebrows, trying to figure out what he meant. Eventually I just decided it didn't matter and snuggled down deeper under the blanket. The house sure was getting cold.

"Are you okay, now?" Soda's voice was a hushed whisper.

"Uh," I wasn't sure what to say. I had always been okay. Everything else wasn't okay. "Yeah, I am."

"Good."

I don't know who fell asleep first, because I don't remember hearing Soda's breathing get light, but when I woke up the next morning, he was still out cold.

Sarah kept a steady gaze at the ground all day, even when I tried to talk to her. She seemed to be in her own world. Whenever I tried to walk up to her, she'd walk in the opposite direction, like I wasn't there. It bugged me, but I tried not to take it personally. Soda had given me that tip once. He told me, "Never take anything a girl does personally. Even if she calls you a jerk, don't bat an eye. She ain't gonna bite you, so hold your head high." Soda added a few more things that are unprintable after that.

Even though Sarah avoided me (and everyone else), Brie was acting pretty normal. I ran into her at the end of the day, when I was heading to my locker.

"Hey, Brie," I caught up to her.

"Hey,"

"Um, I was wondering, how's Olivia doing?" I asked sheepishly.

"Well, she's alright. They still have her in the ICU, but she seems to be alright. I guess she's on some kind of medication right now that makes her sleepy, so she's kind of lethargic and non-responsive, but it's expected."

"Whew," I let out a sigh of relief. "When do they think she'll go home?" I hoped it was soon.

"No one has said anything to me about it. If I understand what they're doing, then it'll be at least another three days, so they can test her brain waves. But before they do that, they have to run other tests to make sure that there wasn't any brain damage. They still haven't finished running those, I think. So, yeah, I really don't know."

"Oh." There wasn't really much to say to that. Another question was forming in my mind, but I was afraid of the answer. Actually, there were a few questions that scared me with the possibilities of their answers, but this one topped it all.

"Ponyboy? Earth to Ponyboy." I guess my face said what I was thinking.

"Huh? Oh, sorry, zoned out there for a minute thinking."

She smirked. "No wonder you and Sarah get along so well." I chuckled a little at that. This was a perfect opportunity to ask.

"Hey, um, how is she doing, by the way?" I tried to sound casual, but my voice squeaked at the very end. I cleared my throat, hoping to regain some dignity. It didn't work. Brie laughed at me for a minute before putting on a straight face and answering.

"Well, uh, I dunno. She's Sarah," I searched for a meaning to that statement in her face. When I didn't seem to understand, Brie continued. "She's been pretty quiet since all this stuff happened. I haven't really talked to her. I just kind of assume that she's fine, because I can never tell anymore." She shrugged.

"I see," I tried to keep the disappointment out of my voice. There was something nagging at me, deep in my gut. I guess some might call it a premonition. I just call it a gut feeling and a reason to run. So that's what I did.

It was a great day to run, which I hadn't noticed earlier. The sky was cloudy, but the sun was peeking through. The wind was a gentle whisper, caressing my long hair and brushing it into my eyes. I ran and ran, until I finally decided where to go. I wasn't sure if he was busy or working, but if he wasn't I knew where he most likely would be.

The little red Chevy was sitting in its normal spot, so I knew Justin was around somewhere. The only matter was to find him, which could be a task, because I never knew if he was at Sarah's or his own house.

I decided to try his house first. If he wasn't there, I'd go over to Sarah's and look there. The front walk was short and narrow, made of cracked cement. I cautiously made my way forward, feeling somewhat awkward, but proceeding nonetheless. Right before I reached the door, I thought I heard a twig snap behind me. I swiveled around quickly to find that no one was there. Shrugging, I turned back forward. There, I stood eye to eye with the creepy look of normal malice.

"Glory!" I cried, jumping back almost six feet. I shook with a nervous tension as his smile grew, almost grinch-like.

"Looking for something?" the malice-filled eyes said.

"Uh," I swallowed, trying to catch my voice. _Come on Ponyboy, _I said to myself, _you're a tough greaser. He's just a lucky middle classer. You shouldn't be afraid of him. _I didn't convince myself. I should never be a motivational speaker.

"You got a minute, Justin?" I finally regained some of my composure and gotten over some shock, though my heart was still pounding.

He looked at his watch. "I'm sorry. Unfortunately, I don't have a minute, at least, not one I can give you. See, there's this thing about time. You can't give it away. But I'd be happy to give you some insight on how to use _your_ minutes wisely."

I stared at him with a blank expression. "What in the almighty universe are you talking about!?"

The look was getting to me. I tried to control my frustration, but this wasn't a time to mess with my head. Though, I probably should have expected it, since I had purposely come to talk to Justin.

"Come on, kid," he waved me to follow him. "Let's take a walk."

"So you mean that all I have to do is ask?"

"Yep. Just ask."

"And I'll get it? Just like that?"

"Well, if you're supposed to get it, you will. But you have to ask with complete faith that He _will_ do what you ask. That's not an easy thing to do."

The walk with Justin had already lasted over forty minutes, but I was really engulfed in the conversation.

"Wait, how do I know if I'm asking with complete faith?"

"Ah," he grinned to himself. "That's the thing. It takes time to develop the faith. Do you ever talk to God, Pony?"

"Well, yeah, sort of. I mean like, sometimes I'll just think something and say, 'please, God'. Does that count?"

"It's not about things counting. It's about a friendship, of a sort. Just say whatever's on your mind; things that are bothering you, or things that you're happy about. Give it all over. You'll see what I mean."

"Alright." I had to chew on this more fully. If anything else entered my brain, I knew it would explode. Justin looked at his watch.

"I need to be going. I have a class tonight." Justin worked during the day and went to a local college in the evenings. From what I understood, he was trying to start his own business. With a nod in my direction, he headed off.

I was so relieved when Friday came. The week couldn't have been any slower or stressful, and I sure needed a weekend. I didn't see Sarah all day in school, but I figured it was just as well. She probably wouldn't have wanted to talk to me. When I got home from school, I kicked my shoes off, poured some chocolate milk, and had some down time to myself. The weekend had officially started, and finally I could take a breather. At least, that's what I thought.

Soda, Steve, and Two-bit were all down at the DX. Steve and Soda were fixing cars, and Two-bit was flirting with the many blondes that came to the station. I chose cars over girls.

"Hey," I said, kind of quietly.

"Hi, Pony!" Soda was in one of his crazy moods, which meant he had lots and lots of energy. I wished I could have some. Mine seemed to be in short supply.

The guys had me grinning and laughing before long, with Two-bits many jokes, and Steve's rendition of a Beatles song. When they got off work, the four of us went to town for a little bit to catch some action. There was a fight going on at the Dingo, like normal, and Soda wanted to get caught up in it to. Steve and I just steered him away and dragged him to get something to eat instead. Early on in the night, Two-bit ran into Tim Shepherd, and the two of them ran off somewhere to get a beer. None of us knew where they were going, and we didn't really want to. We caught sight of an impromptu drag race, and Soda and Steve had to watch it. I willingly obliged. I liked drag races almost as much as they did.

We finally headed back home when the drag race lost our interest. Darry was reading his newspaper in the armchair calmly. He merely glanced up and nodded when we walked in. It was only 9:30, and I was with Soda, so I didn't get any heat for being out. Besides, I had left a note, in case he got home before me and Soda did.

They took out a deck of cards, and I attempted to head to my room to hide in a book, because the look on Steve's face said it was Mao time, and I wasn't doing that again.

Soda caught me and stated tickling me, though, so I was forced into it. I didn't really mind all that much, but the game was so dang hard that I felt like an idiot, even though I was the smart one. Steve left around 11, and things quieted down. Darry went to bed, and Soda picked up the cards and random items thrown around the house. I sat on the couch and zoned, waiting for Soda to go to bed.

Spontaneously, the phone rang. No one was getting it, so I gruntingly raised myself and answered it.

"Yeah?" I sounded half-asleep.

"Ponyboy? Is that you?" The voice on the other line was frantic.

"Yeah, it's me."

"Pony, it's Brie. Is Sarah over there?"

"Uh, no, I haven't seen her all day."

I heard a hushed curse on the other end.

"Brie, is everything okay?" I rubbed my eyes, trying to stay awake.

"No, I don't think so. No, everything is definitely _not_ okay. Sarah's missing, mom and dad aren't home, the boys won't go to sleep, and yeah. AHH!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sarah's missing?" You'd better believe that woke me up.

"Yeah, she left at 5:30, saying she was taking a walk, and then maybe meeting a friend somewhere. She's not back yet, she's not at your house, she's not with Justin, she's not anywhere!"

I let loose a stream of cuss words. "Brie," I said, controlling my voice, "Hang in there." I hung up without saying goodbye. Determinedly, I headed to the closet. Soda's old coat. Darry's letterman jacket. An army jacket from one of our uncles. None of them would work. After wasting precious time searching, I went to the highest shelf in my bedroom closet, grabbing the one item up there. The back was burned black, but the inside was still lamb's wool, and it was warm.

"Soda, I need to go. Cover for me, please?"

"What?" He looked perplexed. "What's going on, kid?" Soda saw the jacket and stopped cold.

I took a deep breath to explain it, but then thought better. "There's no time to explain. I _will_ be back, I just don't know when. Hopefully before dawn. When I do, you'll get a full explanation, I promise. Please, Soda."

He nodded solemnly, and I knew I had my brother's word. He was going to cover for me the best that he could. With a nod, I headed off into the darkness.


	18. Chapter 18

"_No!" _ I screamed in my mind over and over again. _"NO! No, no, no!" _ I was panicking, racing down the streets with my heart thumping so hard I thought it would leap out of my chest. I knew, somehow, what was going on. Where she was and what she was going to do. And I was terrified.

"_Please, God,"_ I found myself praying, _"Don't let me be too late. Please, I'm not too late. Help me!" _

Right then, what Justin had told me on Thursday clicked. I understood what he was talking about when he said to talk to God. That was exactly what was on my heart, and I had just prayed it. The emotion was about to sweep over me, but I couldn't let it. I ran on and on, knowing where she'd be. Everything was a blur.

In the park, past the swings, through the tiny wood, I never stopped. Cutting through people's backyards, I raced on in the dark, sometimes with the moon as my only light. I came to it, the deserted construction site of a new development. There was a shadowy slump on the corner of a place paved over.

"_Oh, God,"_ I thought, _"I'm too late. Why didn't you let me get here before it was too late!?"_

Still, I moved onward, trying to hope. The shadow moved slightly in the dim light of a street lamp a good 50 yards away. _"Thank you, Lord"_ was all I could think. Then, I saw the black object in her hands.

"No!" I whispered, sprinting the rest of the way.

Everything that happened next seemed to be in slow motion. Her looking up at me, a face full of surprise and confusion. The black object being let go from her hands. I saw the hammer right before it hit the ground. _"No, God," _but it still happened.

I wasn't ready for the shock of hearing a gun fire off. She fell back, and something inside me sank. My knees hit the ground in agony, thinking I had failed, somehow. The race was finished, and I had lost. There was no extra time anywhere. I desperately wanted what I had just seen to erase itself, like it had never happened. Then, out of nowhere, I felt a droplet of hope enter my mind. It was so small I almost disregarded it, but something inside me fostered it, and it grew. I stood up like a soldier in battle and marched forward, wanting to run, but somehow being held back. The shadow stirred.

"Sarah!" I screamed, racing to her. She just started crying, and I held her, there on the pavement, letting her weep into my shirt. I hadn't zipped up the jacket. The tears came for me, also, and I hugged her tighter.

"Thank you, Lord," I whispered. "Thank you."

The gun had fired when it hit the ground. That was a fact. But the bullet didn't hit her. There were smudges of gunpowder on her face, so I knew it had only missed her by a few inches. My world spun with everything, but I stayed firm on the outside, a rock to cling to. When her sobs slowed, I finally got out the word.

"Why?" With that came many other words, confusion and worry and hurt and frustration, and finally, relief.

"I couldn't do it anymore," she choked out. "I-I just hurt every-everyone. It's my fault."

"Shhh," I shushed her. "It's not. And you don't. Everything will be alright."

"No it won't. Olivia..." She broke down again. "What if she died? What if her brain is damaged? It would be my fault. I should have know, should have know something was wrong. She wasn't acting herself. And then... then..." Sarah stopped herself, not able to go on.

"Then what?" I asked soothingly, trying to calm her down.

"She shook. All over. I almost dropped her. I almost did. Then I thought she died, when it stopped. Oh, Pony; I didn't know what to do." She lost any composure she had. She was shaking and sobbing. I noticed then that she only had a t-shirt on. Despite the situation, I half-grinned, because it was something I would have done. Not wear a jacket, I mean.

A deep sigh escaped me. It was a sigh of relief, exhaustion, and fear. I was afraid she might try again sometime, but I couldn't let myself think that. Right now, Sarah was alive, and I held her like Soda did after my first nightmare. Just like Darry had the day my parents died, and the day I saved those kids from the fire. It all came back to me. The memories rushed, and I didn't hold them back.

I don't know how long it was before the deep sobs subsided to hiccups. Her small body shivered from the cold. I took off the leather jacket from my back, with the burn stains, and the warm wool lining. It was the jacket of a gallant hood, one that inspired fear and awe. The last little bit of the ache left, and all the good memories came back, but they didn't hurt.

Sarah zoned out, not sleeping, but not really awake, either. I almost fell asleep, but then I heard the car engine. It was low and muffled at first, but as it got closer, I knew who it was. I didn't know what time it was, but I knew it had to be at least 2 in the morning.

The headlights of the Chevy blinded my tear-stung eyes. A figure different from the one I normally knew came around. He was slouching and frantic, rather than the erect, calm, cool and collected person I knew. I met his gaze, and an understanding passed between us. Without a word, he walked over and picked Sarah up. I climbed into the back seat of the warm Chevy Lumina Euro and let Justin put her in the front.

The whole car was silent, except for the hum of the engine, and the still uneven breaths of Sarah. I was almost ready to fall asleep when the car stopped. I pushed open the door and climbed out while Justin got her out and carried her.

We went around to the side door, and I opened it without knocking. The living room light was still on, so the three of us proceeded towards it. Brie looked asleep, but as soon as I made it through the door frame she leapt to her feet. Justin followed after me.

"Don't worry," I whispered, "Everything's all right now."

"Thank you." The expression of gratitude was enough. Then Brie led Justin upstairs, and they returned a few minutes later without Sarah.

"Let's go," the deep, tired voice said. I simply nodded and followed him.

"How did you find us?" I asked plainly after a few minutes of dead silence.

"I heard the gun."

"Oh." There was more silence, then another question.

"How did you find her, and know?" The man driving next to me was one I had never heard before.

I let out a long breath. "I prayed. Then I just knew." When he didn't say anything in reply, I looked over at him. In the light of the street lamps, I saw his face. Tears were streaming down it.

"Thank you," his voice was still strong and steady. I didn't know who the gratitude was for. It could have been for me, but I assumed it was to God, because that's where it belonged.

The porch light was still on. I hoped that Soda hadn't waited up for me, and that Darry was still sleeping. I heard the hum of the Lumina pull out of the driveway as I sleepily made my way up the steps. The door creaked slightly when I opened it. Soda was out cold on the couch, and there was no sign of Darry. I quickly shut the door to keep all the warm air in.

"Soda," I whispered, shaking him. "Sodapop, wake up. I'm back."

"Hmm, what?" He mumbled, half asleep.

"Thanks for covering for me."

"Oh, it's you, Pony. No problem kid. But," before he could finish his sentence, the bathroom door opened and my oldest brother walked into the living room.

A wave of fear swept over me as I looked up at my huge big brother. We had been in this situation before, and I hoped the outcome was better this time. Maybe he would understand. I braced myself for whatever was coming next.

"Well," the tone in his voice sent alarms ringing in my head. "I'm not quite sure where to start. Maybe, where were you? Why were you out after curfew? Do you have any idea what time it is? Or, my personal favorite: What the heck were you thinking!?" With every icy word, I winced. His voice grew to a crescendo with every question.

All I could do was stare at the ground. If he was in a more rational mood, I could explain. But not tonight, when I was exhausted and worried and relieved and just kind of empty of any reasonable explanation.

"Calm down and lay off our kid brother." _Our. _Soda stressed the word. I was Darry's kid brother, too. I slumped down onto the couch, staring at my dirt-caked hands.

There was a sigh from the other end of the room, and then footsteps over to where me and Soda were.

"Our kid brother seems to stay out late without telling us. I've just got to know. What in the world is a fifteen year old kid like you doing out until 2 a.m.?"

"I-I, it... was, well..." he wouldn't understand.

"I said lay off, Darry. He ain't gonna tell us nothing if you're harping on him. You may not, but I trust him, and I'm pretty sure it was pretty important."

"Life and death," I managed out hoarsely. Both heads turned towards me.

"What was that?" The husky voice asked.

"I said it was a matter of life and death," I practically raised my voice to him, but I was way too worn out for it. "Oh, God," I started praying out loud, but couldn't finish. It all flashed through my mind again in a split second, and the world seemed to go black. I came back to in another minute, with two worried faces standing over me.

"Are you alright? What happened?" I wasn't sure, but it sounded like a much softer-toned Darry.

I took a breath and let it out slowly. Then took another one and spoke. "Sarah..." I choked on the word, fighting for control, but losing the battle.

"Come on, Pony. Let's get to bed. We'll work it out in the morning." This time it was Soda talking gently. Everything overwhelmed me, and I didn't want to move. I knew if we didn't work it out now I wouldn't sleep.

"No, just give me a minute." I closed my eyes and tried to shut off the images replaying in my mind. When I reopened them, I was ready. "My friend... her sister couldn't find her. You know Sarah. She brought us dinner that one time." Darry nodded, acknowledging his remembrance. "She... well. I had to go find her, and I did. I found her..." Another deep breath, then continuing on, "I thought I'd lost her. I almost did." The realization of it all hit me just then. I very nearly lost yet another one. I was shocked into silence. My head spun, my throat was dry, and I couldn't speak. There was a heavy hand on my shoulder, and somehow I couldn't shake it off. Something in my stomach did a flip, and I thought I was going to be sick at the realization of it all. I lost control then, racing to the bathroom.

It all was too much, too fast. I couldn't handle it anymore. There was a knock on the bathroom door.

"What?"

"Pony? Can I come in?" It was Darry.

"Yeah," I wiped my mouth on my sleeve.

He was wide eyed and ashen colored at the sight of me. I must have been a mess, my old ratty t-shirt still wet with tears, my long greasy hair disheveled, and my bloodshot eyes, heavy with sleep. He just stood there facing me for the longest time. I leaned against the wall, trying to catch my breath and stop my pounding heart. There was a foul taste in my mouth.

"I, uh, sent Sodapop to bed." His hands were stuffed into his jean pockets.

"Oh," was all I could think to say. It was awkward standing there at two thirty in the morning in front of Darry after emptying the contents of my stomach.

"What gives?" The question came after a while of him just standing there thinking. I think it was the best way he could think up to ask. It was obvious I wasn't alright, and what was wrong wasn't very hard to see, either. Why was the only question remaining.

"Oh, Darry," I started, but couldn't finish. He stooped down and held me close, and I could feel him shaking. I was shaking too, from cold and exhaustion and worry and dizziness all rolled into one.

"It's okay. You don't have to explain. I think I understand." There was a gentleness I hadn't heard in a while. "Let's get you to bed, kiddo." I made a poor effort to get up off the wall, but my legs had gone to sleep ages ago. Darry slung his right arm around my back and walked me to bed. I collapsed onto it, letting out a long, deep breath, and closing my eyes. Darry walked out and returned a few minutes later, but I was too tired to sit up and drink the water. He set it down on the stand, patted my back, and then pushed some of my hair behind my ear.

"You need anything, holler." The retreating footsteps went out to the hall and into Darry's bedroom. The world drifted away.

Darry and Soda let me sleep in the next morning since it was Saturday. Both of them had to work, so when I finally woke up, then only bum in the house was Two-bit, zoning out in front of the television. I was feeling pretty bad still, but definitely had more energy to deal with everything.

"You such a bum, Two-bit," I shook my head at him. He really was. He never worked, never cleaned, just bummed around and ate.

"Hey!" He said indignantly. "I'm only here 'cause Soda asked me to baby-sit." He smirked.

"I don't need a baby-sitter." With that, I jumped on him, dragging him to the ground and wrestling. We rolled around on the floor, hitting into tables and furniture. One of us ran over the remote and changed the channel to the news. Two-bit was cussing, trying to defend him self. I had gotten a whole lot stronger since the last time we wrestled, and he wasn't prepared for it.

"UNCLE! UNCLE!" he shouted at me when I got his arm in a lock and was threatening to break it. I let go.

"Blast it, kid, you sure have grown." He stood up and shook out his arm. I think I had almost dislocated it. I just grinned, laughing at him.

"Haven't you ever baby-sat before? The kids are _supposed_ to beat a greaser like you up. It's almost and unwritten rule!" I was recalling all the things Soda and I would pull when Mom and Dad got a sitter for us. Once, we locked the poor, innocent baby-sitter outside and wouldn't let her in. We were really evil. A lot of the time, Darry wouldn't help us, but sometimes we'd get him in on it. He helped duct tape another kid to a chair in the kitchen. Man, those were good times.

"Yeah, well, I ain't baby-sitting ever again!" He threw a pillow at me. I just caught it and sunk into our ancient couch. It was 11 o'clock.

"So does Soda want us to head over to DX when I'm dressed?"

"Uh huh," Two-bit answered, absorbed in the TV.

Sighing, I got up to take a shower. I was really gross, and I smelled bad. I tried to remember to take a shower every day, but sometimes it didn't work that well. When I was showered, I threw on my favorite pair of blue jeans and a clean long-sleeve t-shirt that belonged to Soda. He had all the best clothes, and since I was almost his size, I could pull off wearing them. Of course, he never noticed any difference, because most of my clothes used to belong to him anyway.

"Let's go," I was clean and refreshed, feeling a whole lot better than before.

"Fine, fine, I'm coming," Two-bit heaved himself up and we headed out the door to DX.

_--Alright, since you all are bugging me to update soon, I shall. Almost done with the story... just got to wrap up a few things. To clarify a few things in this chapter: Pony's not sick, he was just so stressed and worried and exhausted that his body was affected too. It happens sometimes. Anyhow, I put in another part with Darry, because there had been some requests of that. Just to let you who asked about it know, Darry and Pony don't hate each other, but it's not like Darry is any less of a work-aholic in this story than he was in The Outsiders. He's not playing a big role in the story because he's at work. It's not like he can be around all the time. But anyhow, I hope the stuff in this chapter satisfied you all. _


	19. Chapter 19

Soda was pumping gas when we got to DX, so I had to wait for him to finish up.

"Hey Pony boy!" he shouted cheerfully, awaking me from my thoughts.

"Hey Soda," I said, only half paying attention. I loved my older brother, but some days I was just in a thinking mood. It was on those days that I didn't appreciate his cheerfulness as much.

"You doin' okay?"

"Yup."

"Want some Pepsi?" He didn't even have to wait for my answer. He just got up and headed into the store to get a few bottles. I had to grin at that, because my brother knew me all too well, and he knew what would cheer me up. Glory, I loved Pepsi.

I hung out at the DX for a while before deciding to take a walk by myself. Soda gave me a look before I left that clearly said, _you'd better no get jumped. _ I just shrugged it off and started walking. The air was cool, almost too cool. Somehow, I liked it, though. There was a freshness to it that I needed to clear my head more.

The doorbell resonated through the house when I pushed it. I heard the pitter-patter of a little kid's feet running. Stephen answered the door.

"Who are you?" He asked in a less than polite voice.

"Uh, I'm Ponyboy Curtis. Is Sarah home?"

"Why should I tell you?" Man, this kid was snotty. It was really getting on my nerves.

"Look," I tried to sound nicer than I was feeling, "I'm Sarah's friend. You've seen me before. Come on, just go get Sarah."

"I don't wanna," he started to shut the door in my face, but a taller person appeared and caught it above his head.

"You're not answering the door anymore, little man," Jake said. I was so relieved to see him. "Come on in, Pony. Sarah's in the kitchen." He gave Stephen a glare that would have scared me out of my skin if I were that age, and he scrammed before either of us could say another word. "Sorry," he muttered, showing me the kitchen then dashing off up the stairs.

"Ahem," I cleared my throat in the doorway of the kitchen. "Hi."

She turned, her hands covered with flour from making some sort of dough, a look of surprise on her face.

"Hi, Pony." She said quietly.

I felt kind of awkward just standing there. I could tell that she did too, because she was staring at her feet.

"Um, how're you doing?" Somehow we couldn't look at each other. I was afraid she might be mad at me, though for what, I didn't know.

"Well, uh," she finally stopped fighting with her lie, "Pretty crappy." Her huge brown eyes quit staring at the floor and rose to look at me. "How are you?"

I nodded slightly. "Whew... I'm alright." I gave her a lopsided grin. Then I turned serious again. "Um," I took a step towards her. "You gave me quite a scare... last night."

"I'm sorry, I-I just was really..."

"Hey, it's okay." I was just close enough. On an impulse, I pulled her into my chest. "I was just afraid of losing you. I couldn't take that, girl." I whispered in her ear.

She didn't say anything for a while. "Make me a promise," I begged.

"Hmm, what?"

"Never do that again."

Her big chocolate brown eyes stared up at me. "I promise."

We let go, and she went back to the counter to her dough. (There was now flour all over my shirt.)

"So," I drawled, "Whatcha making?"

"Bread," she smirked. "Here, wash your hands and help." A flabby piece of dough was shoved in my face.

"Alright, alright."

She told me what she wanted done with it and for a while everything was silent except for the sound of the dough thumping on the counter. I took the time to think back, remembering Johnny and Dallas once again. Two gallant greasers just trying to make it on their own. It was then that I understood the meaning of 'Only the good die young.' Even though Dally wasn't someone you'd classify as 'good,' he was a rare find in this world. People with as much cunning and guile as that teen had don't just show up on everyone's doorstep. His character still scared me, but I had the utmost respect for him. No one like that can just walk into your life without making an impression. I sighed contentedly.

"What are you sighing about?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing. Just thinking."

She laughed at me. "There's just something capturing about thoughts, isn't there?"

"Oh yeah," I grinned to myself. There was yet another long pause.

"Olivia's going to be okay," she said quietly, like she couldn't believe it herself.

My heart did a leap in my chest. "That's awesome!" I was almost shouting. "Is she coming home soon?"

"Probably by the middle of next week," she was starting to seem really excited. "She's a lot weaker, but it's not permanent. I'm sure we'll have her back to normal in no time. I guess they've gotta monitor her brain waves for a few days without all the other tests now. But soon you'll be able to come see her over here again."

"Man, that makes my day," I said, relieved. "Is she still in the ICU?"

There was a sigh. "Unfortunately, yeah, just because she's so little and anything could go wrong. It's just precaution, I suppose, but it's not fun. There are so many sad stories up there. I wish you could just see all the tragic stuff that those kids up there are going through."

"That's awful."

"Yeah, it is. But there's a lot of faith up there. It's an amazing place."

I just nodded to signify that I had heard and understood. The rest of the afternoon, we just hung out. Brie came in after a little bit, and we played some cards. Then she went out somewhere, and Sarah and I just sat in the living room talking. It was one of those deep and pointless conversations that have absolutely no origin and no stopping point.

"Hey Pony," Sarah said randomly.

"Yes?"

"Thanks. For yesterday, I mean. You saved my life, pretty much."

"Yeah... Guess that makes me a hero now, huh?" I smirked.

She narrowed her eyes at me. Then a pillow met me square in the face, and hard.

"Hey! What was that for?" I tried to look innocent. The pillow then found a new face, harder than before. She held on to it this time, smarter than before, knowing that I could hit harder.

"Um..." I wasn't really sure how to put it. "In all seriousness, I, uh, well. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't got there in time. I mean, well..." Too deep. Way too deep for me to explain.

Wednesday I couldn't sit still in school. The excitement was hardly containable. The teachers noticed, and they were getting annoyed with me since I'm normally calm and quiet. I just kind of ignored them and stuck to my wild, crazy, day-dreaming attitude. That school day could not end fast enough.

Instead of walking the mile and a half, I decided to run. It was faster, and I had no patience to take my time by walking. Two-bit was using his car to pick up some blonde, so I couldn't drive it. As soon as I reached our house, I bounded up the steps and threw my books inside the door. Now all I had to do was wait an hour or so. I got down to some homework, but it was hard to concentrate.

Soda came home early, and I was on him as soon as he got in the front door.

"Are you ready? Can we go now?" I was nearly bouncing off the walls.

"Settle your butt down, kid." Soda was laughing at my wildness.

I sat down on the couch. "Okay."

"Lemme get out of these greasy clothes. I ain't goin' to the middle classer's territory lookin' like a bum."

"Well then go!" I jumped off the couch and chased him to our bedroom. I was about to come in too and make sure he wasn't going slowly. Before I had the chance, I was face to face with our door. I just snickered and went back into the living room to wait.

A few minutes later (they seemed like a few hours) Soda came out of the bedroom, clad in a pair of blue jeans and a red shirt that say 'Buckeyes' across the front. The shirt had been Darry's. Mom's brother in Ohio had given it to him a few years back. It looked pretty good on Soda. I planned on wearing it one day, whenever I could get it without Soda looking.

"Can I drive?" I pleaded.

Soda gave me a reckless grin. "What the heck? Sure. Now, ain't you ready yet?"

"Just give me the keys."

I revved the engine and we were off down the bumpy road. Soda turned on the radio, and we blared it the whole way there. By the time we got there, he and I were laughing and singing along (off-key, of course) to the radio. I was almost giddy with excitement.

Brie answered the door, and grinned when she saw that Sodapop came along too.

"Hey guys. Sarah and Olivia are in the living room. Come on. Nice shirt, Soda."

He got a little red. "Huh? Oh, this? I don't even know who the Buckeyes are."

She laughed. "There a college football team in Ohio."

"Oh."

She shut the door behind us, then started walking to the living room. We followed her cautiously. I felt a little awkward, because I wasn't sure what it would be like. Soda never felt strange in any place. He had already made himself at home as far as I was concerned.

Sarah was sitting on the couch, Olivia's head in her lap. She was stroking it, but looked up when we walked in. I was taken aback when I saw Olivia. There were pieces of her silky hair missing, and she just looked paler and weaker than normal. It kind of shook me up, because the feeling I got reminded me of when I first saw Johnny after we saved those kids in the fire. A chill went down my spine.

"Hey," I whispered to both of them. Her eyes had been closed, but they opened when I spoke. They still had their sparkle of a little girl who loves life. I knew then that she would be okay.

"Hey Pony, Soda, have a seat." I tried not to make any quick movements as I sat on the other side of Olivia. Soda was already on his way down to the floor. He and Brie sort of knew each other, and they hit it off pretty well. I knew that nothing would happen between them, though, because Soda still wasn't over Sandy. Part of him never would be over her.

There was an awkward silence for a few minutes. Then good old Soda made one of his classic remarks.

"Don't worry. This isn't an awkward silence. It's just the human instinct to stop and listen for danger." He was grinning like a chessy cat, and I was tempted to tackle him then and there, but it wasn't our house, and I wasn't sure how it would go over. The girls immediately cracked up, and I could help by laugh along, because Soda really did know how to break the silence.

"Where do you come up with this stuff?" Sarah asked when the laugher subsided.

"Oh, you know," Soda waved his hand casually, "I have connections."

"What he means is that he gets them all from Two-bit," I piped.

"Hey! Who asked you?" He made like he was going to get up and tackle me, but then spontaneously stopped and settled back down. The sisters exchanged glances and rolled their eyes. I smirked to myself, amused by the way that we all seemed to get along pretty well.

I started subconsciously playing with the little feet right beside me. She had fuzzy slippers on, and I felt them rub up against my hand when I stopped playing with them. I looked over, and the little bright eyes were staring at me. She smiled when I looked over. I couldn't help but grin. She was a pretty goofy little girl, and she had me wrapped around her finger without doing a dang thing.

Somebody said something, but I was only half paying attention.

"Pony?"

"Oh, uh, what?" I looked up. Everyone just kind of cracked up at me. "What gives?"

"We've been trying to get your attention for a while now," Brie told me.

I felt my ears get hot. "Oh."

"I was just suggesting a little game of cards," Soda drawled, his mischievous look plastered on his movie star-like face. I knew what he was thinking.

"No way, Soda," I said with finality. If I played another game of Mao in my life, I would go absolutely insane. That card game was the weirdest thing ever, and I didn't get a bit of it.

"Gotta deck of cards?" Soda was consciously ignoring me. I was about to jump off that couch and strangle him. Before I even had the chance, there was a tiny body placed gently on my lap, and I immediately forgot about hurting my older brother. She was so frail, yet tough as nails. I was comfortable there, holding her and playing with her feet.

"Get over here, kid," I snapped back to reality at Soda's request.

"Man, I'm busy."

"I said get over here. Don't make me move you..." I knew by the look on his face that he was joking. I stuck my tongue out at him, but then slowly got down on the floor, Olivia in tow.

"The kid's on my team." I announced.

"The way you play Mao, you'll need her help," was the sarcastic remark from Sarah.

I gave her a look of merciful recklessness. "Do you know how lucky you are?"

"Nope, and I don't intend on finding out." She quipped. "Standard, Cambridge, five card Mao..." I rolled my eyes. I hated this game.


	20. Chapter 20

I walked down the old side walk on Main Street and crossed the busy road. It was a blustery fall day, which meant that winter was on its way. Thanksgiving would be here before I knew it, which meant.... turkey. The wife of one of the guys Darry works with gave us a turkey last year, and boy way it good. This year, I hoped they planned on giving us another one. We boys don't normally accept charity, but when you love chicken and turkey as much as me, Soda and Darry do, saying no is almost impossible. Darry even refused a Christmas tree from someone in the middle class who for some odd reason knew our situation last year. That says something, because before Mom and Dad died, his favorite part of the Christmas season was the tree. So, we don't accept charity much, but when it involves turkey, we make an exception.

I sighed with content. It was Friday afternoon. I had made it through Thursday without bugging the teachers that much, and without getting in trouble with Darry. Now I had the weekend to de-stress and hang out. The first thing I had to do was see Johnny and Dallas, which was why I was walking. Soda would be home soon, I knew, followed by Darry. I wasn't sure if I would be home before either of them. I was tempted not to leave a note, since I'm not a baby and I can take care of myself. Soda wouldn't worry much, but if I wasn't home when he got there, Darry would make a fuss. I did NOT want to get into that again.

The old wrought iron gate creaked when I pushed it open. The leaves crunched, and everything was familiar. That is, except for one thing. The normal feeling of heaviness that I got whenever I came here was gone. I had finally let another friend in, but they never took the place of the old ones. Johnny would always be my best friend, and Dally would always be the feared and respected hood.

"Hey, Johnnycake," I said as I approached. I heard the wind in the trees, and for a minute I thought I could hear his voice again. "We hit the year marker last week. I can't believe y'all have been gone for a year already."

I lightly brushed the engraved letters on the tombstone.

"October 17th," I breathed. "It's October 24th today which means..." I stopped to do the math in my head, and then stood dead in shock as I remembered. "October 17th was last Friday."

It all flashed back. The gun going off. Dally pulling the black object from his waist. The fuzz shooting. Sarah falling back. Dally crumpling with his grim look of triumph.

"Stay gold." It echoed around me. I knew then that there were no coincidences. So many times after they died I wondered 'what if?' What if we hadn't gone back to the church? What if we hadn't sat behind Cherry and Marsha? What if I hadn't fallen asleep in the lot? What if...? The thing I had learned is that there are no 'what ifs'. There are the things that are, and that's it. I wasted a lot of time after Mom and Dad and Dally and Johnny died wondering what I could have done to prevent it. I knew that day standing by my friend's graves that I couldn't have prevented it, because if I could have, I would have been running like heck, just like I did last Friday. Justin had said to me once that everything has a reason. He was right. I would never be the person I was becoming if all those things hadn't happened. I never would have understood true friendship, the love of my brothers, and how to pull myself together and move on. I could do that now, pull myself together, I mean. I was in the process of pulling myself together.

"So what do you think, Johnny?" I said out of the blue. "She said no last time. Think I've proved to her that she won't drive me crazy?" Of course, there was no reply, but I decided that I had proved myself. Now, there were only two obstacles left. I was ready to overcome them, though.

I turned around and walked home. Soda was on the couch, chocolate milk in hand, reading the mail. I grinned to myself, because I knew I would find him like that.

"What are you grinning like that for, kid?"

"Hey, Soda," I said nonchalantly. "Whose night is it to make dinner?"

"Darry's," He stated simple. He waved me over with his glass. "Get yourself some chocolate milk and sit down. It's about time we had another one of our brotherly 'chats'."

"What this time?" I asked with mock irritation.

Soda gave me his 'oh come on' look. "You know."

"No, I don't. Enlighten me, oh wise older brother," my voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Now come on, Ponyboy, you know I ain't smart enough to understand all that fancy talk. Get your milk and get in here or I might have to put you in a chicken wing." He grinned devilishly.

"You wish," I said, but still dashed into the kitchen to pour myself some chocolate milk.

"So what do you want?" I sat down on our saggy old couch that had been around since before Darry was born. No joke, it was that old.

"Can't a brother talk to his kid brother when he wants to?" Soda inquired innocently, pretending to be hurt. I ignored it, knowing that whatever was coming next was going to be interesting. It always is with Soda.

"Go ahead, talk."

He straightened a little and feigned preparation, chest puffed, muscles tense. Then he relaxed and shrugged it off. "I just wanted to talk. We haven't had the chance in a while. I haven't heard the crazy things on your mind since...." He paused and thought, chewing on his lip in concentration. "I can't remember."

"Obviously," I said jokingly. I toned down my voice, then, because I knew Sodapop was serious. Clearing my throat, I started. "So what do you want to know? What's going on in my mind?"

"Well, yeah, sorta. Last time I remember, you were thinkin' about Johnny and Dally, and just kind of down."

"Oh, yeah..." My voice was gruffer than I meant it to be. Soda would understand what changed it all. "I still think about Johnny and Dally a lot. That's where I was before I got home, at the graveyard… But now, I dunno, it's different. I ain't down. In fact, I kind of understand why things happened the way they did."

"Man, kid, you're gonna be like a philosopher someday, I swear it. How did you get all the smart genes and I'm left with being good with cars?"

I laughed at him. "Hey, cars ain't a bad thing to know how to handle. Not like girls, who won't ever be figured out, or poetry, that has no real rules. Being deep isn't all it's cracked up to be, and good grades have their down sides."

"Wait, wait, what are you talkin about, kid? What was that about girls?"

My ears got a little hot. "I was just sayin they ain't never gonna be figured out, that's all."

He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, and how'd you figure this out, Pony?" I didn't like the tone of his voice, not one bit.

"I just did. All guys figure it out at one point or another…" I tried to avoid the subject, but Soda was heading straight for it.

"I know what you're talking about now," he said, gloating. Then he saw that I really was getting a little annoyed, so hechanged histoneto a moreserious one. "Hey, chill. You know you can tell me anything. I ain't gonna make fun of your or tell Darry or the gang."

"I know, I know." When I kept my mouth shut after that statement, he pried a little more.

"So you gonna tell me, or do I have to guess?"

I didn't say anything.

"Okay, then. I know who it is, so you can sit there and keep your mouth shut all you want. But you ain't gonna get nowhere not talking, and you know it." He was right. I would talk. But I wanted to hear him say it before I did. "So what of it, then? You dig Sarah? That's not all, is it? There's more to it. You're way too deep to just dig someone. You gotta have a reason. Every guy has a reason, whether he's a greaser or a soc. What's yours?"

He was really trying hard then, I could tell. In my head, I was amused, but my poker face didn't display it.

"Soda, you worry me."

"And why is that?" He cocked his eyebrow coolly, looking concerned, but almost amused at the same time.

"Because you know me too good for my own comfort."

He grinned crazily, laughed, and thumped me on the shoulder. "You're an okay kid, Pony. I really mean it."

"Yeah, I know it. And you're an okay brother."

"Of course, that's just a given." I wanted to wipe the smirk off his face, but I was enjoying it too much to have it leave. "So, what're you gonna do?"

"About Sarah?"

He nodded slightly.

"I've already asked her. She said no. But that was before…"

"Before what?" He stared at me intently.

"Before last Friday."

"Ah." There was a long pause. "That was pretty scary, huh?" It was a statement, yet still a question.

"Yeah," was all that needed to be said.

"I don't know what I woulda done if Sandy had ever pulled something likethat. Lordy, kid,Sarah's awful lucky. I don't know if I could have got there in time, or even if I could have stopped her."

"Yeah, you would have. Sandy loved you, Soda. Just you being there would have stopped her. I still don't know how I got there in time… Soda, can I tell you something?"

"Of course, kid. Anything, you know that." He said.

I drew in a breath. "Soda, I..." I couldn't bring myself to it.

"You what, Pony? What?"

"I'm beginning to get this whole Christian thing. Soda, God's real, realer than you can even imagine. He doesn't stay in His churches; He's just kind of part of everything. It's so cool, Sodapop. I know most greasers ain't very religious, but it's not about goin' to church and dressing up fancy. It's about how God ain't no joke. He even cares about a greaser like me."

His face betrayed no emotion. "That's real cool, kid," was all he said.

I felt frustrated. This was one thing I knew Soda couldn't understand. I mumbled something about homework even though it was Friday. Grabbing my stuff, I headed to the bedroom. Darry got home a few minutes later, and I could smell him starting dinner. They called me when it was ready.

"You get that homework done, kid?" Darry asked, just like a responsible older brother would.

"Still working on it," I said curtly, shoving a forkful of corn into my mouth so I didn't have to talk anymore. The truth was that I hadn't done any homework. The only thing I had to do was read something in biology and a math worksheet. When I went into my room, I lay down on my bed and thought long and hard. No one in the gang would quite get what I was talking about with God. They were still my friends, though. More like brothers, actually. The 5 of us had gone through fire together.

When I woke up the next morning, Soda and Darry had already both left for work. They had also left me the dishes to do. I sighed to no one in particular and went into the ice box for cake. If I was going to clean the kitchen, I had better have made at least some of the mess. I slammed the door of the ice box in frustration. There was no more cake left.

_Get a hold of yourself, Ponyboy, _I thought to myself. _It's just cake._ I grudgingly went to the cupboard and grabbed a box of cornflakes.

"So what am I going to do with myself today?" I said out loud. Sarah was busy. She and Brie were driving somewhere to meet friends and hike or something. Soda and Steve would be working at DX for most of the day, Darry would be roofing houses, and Two-bit… Well, I'm never sure what he'll be up to on Saturdays. Probably more or less sleeping off a hangover. I knew I could always hunt some action. Curly Shepherd was out of the cooler. But Soda and Darry would have my head if they heard I was hanging with him. Besides, I wasn't really in the trouble kind of mood.

I checked the paper for a good movie playing, but none of them caught my interest. All bloody war movies, which I wasn't in the mood for, or the kind that are so sappy that it makes you want to puke. I was a deep guy, but I was still a guy, and I didn't dig chick flicks.

I got dressed and grabbed one of Soda's hooded sweatshirts. Then I headed out the door. I had remembered that I had two obstacles to overcome, and if I was lucky I could catch them at the same time. I recalled the time when I asked Sarah to be my girlfriend before, she had said something about getting past her dad and Justin. Well, I intended to get past them. I mean ask permission. No one had ever taught me exactly how to handle parents, but I had an idea. In fact, Soda had never said anything about a girl's dad. I had a feeling that dad's could be a huge problem if not handled delicately. With Sarah, not only did I have her dad, I had Justin. He would rip me to shreds if I ever did anything to his 'little sister'.

I rounded the corner on to Sarah's street. To be honest, I was a little nervous. There was no turning back once I was inside. I lingered along the line of bushes before making my way casually towards the front walk.

"Hey!" I heard someone call, "Ponyboy!" I looked up to see no one other than Justin walking in my direction down the sidewalk.

"Hey," I greeted coolly. "What's up?"

"Not much, not much. You?"

"Uh," I hesitated. "I was hoping to talk to Mr. Piatt, then you."

I saw a spark of understanding in his eye. "Alright, I'll be out here."

"Okay, I'll be out in a little bit." I turned; ready to face the task ahead.

"Hey, one thing, kid," Justin said to my back.

"Yeah?"

"Good luck."

I half-grinned at this remark, but then I let it fall. Straightening my shoulders, I shakily walked up the steps and rang the door bell.

"Here goes nothing… er, something." I whispered to myself. The door opened, and a man stood before me, maybe about in his mid-forties.

"Hi, Mr. Piatt," I looked him straight in the eye. "Do you think we could talk for a sec? I have something I want to ask you."

--And that's the end of 'The Healing'! Can you all believe it? I've never finished a story this long in my entire life! Hopefully there will be many more. Thanks for reading this. I really appreciate the support and reviews. This website has amazed me with all the talented young writers I've come across. Everyone, here's an encouragement to keep writing. Don't ever lose it. It's a gift that shouldn't be wasted.


End file.
